


Our Ups and Our Downs

by orphan_account



Series: The View from a Ferris Wheel [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amputation, Angst, Bar fights, But lots of shmoop, Depression, Divorce, Gen, Injury, Loss of Limbs, M/M, Near Death Experience, Physio therapy, References to assisted suicide, Sassy grandmas, Tarsus IV, Theme Park AU, modern!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When newly divorced Leonard McCoy becomes the local doctor at the famed Starfleet theme park he doesn't think his life is going anywhere... that is, until he meets ride operator Jim Kirk. From then on, his life itself seems to become a roller coaster and Jim's along for the ride.<br/>Modern!AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Star Trek, its characters or anything from the franchise. I am not affiliated in any way with its creators (if I was McKirk would be canon). 
> 
> I hope you like it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I see nothing in space as promising as the view from a Ferris wheel."  
> \- E.B. White

If you asked Leonard McCoy what made him decide to become a doctor then the answer would be the same each time; he wanted to help people. 

But ask him what made him decide to work in a theme park and he couldn’t tell you.

It had been a decision made in the throws of desperation and slight hysteria. The day his divorce came through Leonard was skint and living with his grandmother, Alana. He had limited visiting rights so he hardly had access to his daughter, he was fresh out of medical school with a doctorate but no job offers and no friends aside from a tumbler of whiskey to moan to (because despite Alana’s protestations, she did not count as a friend).  
He looked in the paper, eager to find a story that made his own pitiful life seem even partway decent when he turned to the ‘vacancies’. Alana had helpfully highlighted an ad requesting a full-time medical professional. The pay seemed more than decent and the location - just on the outskirts of Atlanta - wasn’t too far from his residence. He looked down at the dial up number and punched it into the land line, his stomach lurching with each ring.  
After ten rings, the other end picked up and a somewhat nasally voice echoed down the line.  
“Christopher Pike’s office, how may I help you?”  
“Ur, yeah,” Leonard coughed, trying to rid himself of his Jack Daniel’s induced growl in favour of a Southern gentleman drawl. “Leonard McCoy. I’m ringing to enquire about the medical position advertised in the paper?”  
“Huh?” the voice deadpanned and Leonard grit his teeth, trying so hard not to snap at the monkey on the other end.  
“In the Gazette, you advertised about needing a medical officer. I’m a qualified doctor with honours and I’m interested in taking up the position.”  
“Oh, that.” The flippancy frustrated Leonard no end. “Yes, there is a position open. You want to speak to Mister Pike about that?”  
“That would be preferable,” Leonard said, the sarcasm slipping through.  
“I’ll just comm him. Please hold.” Leonard moaned as a rather shriek-y cover of ‘Poker Face’ warbled down the receiver and for a moment he considered hanging up when the line opened again and a new voice greeted him, gruff and sharp.  
“Christopher Pike, to whom am I speaking?”  
“Leonard McCoy, Sir. I was just telling your receptionist I’d like to apply to the medical position you advertised in the paper.”  
“She told me. A doctorate with honours, huh?” Christopher laughed. “And you’re applying to my place?” Leonard bristled slightly.  
“Yes Sir. I’d really appreciate the opportunity.”  
“Right. Well, I’m not normally so easy with my job offers but our previous medical officer, Nurse Chapel, got knocked up and I haven’t got anyone else to fill her place in such short notice. Can you start tomorrow?”  
“Y-yes, of course!” Leonard cried, feeling completely sober now.  
“Brilliant. Come to Starfleet at eight a.m. sharp. Go to the ticket booth, Uhura will talk you through it.” He hung up before Leonard had time to process the instruction. He frowned.  
“Gram!” he called over his shoulder. “Have you ever heard of Starfleet before?”  
“Starfleet? You mean the theme park?” Alana shrieked back. Leonard stared down at the paper before slamming his head on the table and groaning in defeat.

He was going to need a lot more whiskey. 

Leonard made sure to arrive five minutes earlier than Christopher said, just to be on the safe side. Sitting in the ticket booth was a prim and pretty woman sitting with a pole straight back, a polite smile on her elfin face.  
“Hello; you must be Mr McCoy,” she said properly, speaking through the microphone.  
“Yes, hello. Am I correct in assuming you’re Uhura?”  
“Nyota, please,” she interjected, pushing the window back so that she could offer him her hand. “Welcome to Starfleet. If you’d like to follow me.” She paused to press a button and speak down a comm. “Pavel, come to the ticket booth.” Instantly, a small kid with tight curly hair surfaced and bounded up to them; he reminded Leonard of a hyperactive puppy. “Hey there Pavel. Can you hole up here while I take Doctor McCoy around?”  
“No problim, Nee-yota,” he lilted in a thick Russian accent. He grinned at Leonard and ducked into the booth. Nyota smiled and lightly touched his wrist.  
“Come on then!”

Leonard hadn’t gone to a theme park before in his life. The main problem was that he had been too busy in-between his studies, his failed marriage and his constant estrangement from his beloved daughter to think of anything recreational. But now, walking round Starfleet, he could see the appeal. Towering above him like mechanical giants were all forms of roller coasters and rides, twisting and turning like snakes under hypnosis. There was a section that was surrounded by a wooden fence standing at at least ten feet.  
“Our resident designer Spock is currently in the process of building a new ride,” Nyota explained.  
“‘Spock’?” Leonard echoed, wrinkling his nose; what a dumbass name! Nyota seemed offended by his phrasing.  
“It’s a nickname. No one knows his real name. He’s a genius,” she explained curtly. Leonard held his hands up defensively.  
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said, flicking on the Southern charm. She seemed to soften a little and smiled slightly.  
“It’s fine,” she shrugged. “I just get a little... you know what? It doesn’t matter. Here’s our most succesful roller coaster; the Enterprise.” 

The Enterprise was an accelerator coaster that was painted a futuristic silver. Its track followed a complex pattern of twists and corkscrews that made Leonard’s head spin.  
“The special thing about the Enterprise is its ‘warp-speed’ feature,” Nyota explained. “She goes to 206 km/h in 2.5 seconds.” Leonard whistled, craning his neck to look at the peak of the tower that stood proudly in the middle of the ride.  
“How does it do that?”  
“Oh, you’d have to ask our engineer Montgomery Scott about that,” Nyota said. “Or maybe Jim could tell you.”  
“Jim?”  
“He runs the ride. Has done since it opened in 2010. He went out of his way to learn everything he could about it. He could probably fix that ride better than Scotty if it broke.” She chuckled and shook her head. “Come on, I’ll take you to your office.”

Leonard looked round the tiny medical room, barely larger than a bathroom. It had been a stretch to call it an office, with his desk and a bed taking up most of the room. He barely personalised it, save for a gold photo frame holding a recent picture of Jo on his desk. He smiled down at the picture and ran his finger over it.  
“I miss you baby,” he sighed, shaking his head. “Damn, I miss you.”  
However, he hardly had time to grieve. All of a sudden his door was kicked open and a man in a red shirt stumbled in, dragging a guy in yellow after him; they were reminiscent of mustard and ketchup.  
“Doctah, ma friend’s hurt!” Ketchup hollered in a thick Scottish brogue.  
“He’s exaggerating,” Mustard drawled, although his pained expression suggested otherwise. Leonard ushered Mustard to the bed and forced him down, whilst Ketchup watched on anxiously. Mustard looked up through hooded eyes at his friend. “Scotty, go check on the Enterprise; make sure she’s okay.”  
“Captain-” Ketchup (Scotty, Leonard corrected) began but Mustard waved him off.  
“Go.” Scotty looked ready to argue but the look Mustard shot him was a silent order and, reluctantly, the Scotsman exited the room. Mustard sighed and smiled up at Leonard, who had spent most of the exchange gawping at the gash in his bicep. “Is it bad, doc?”  
“I can see your bone,” Leonard cried and Mustard looked proud of himself.  
“Don’t you like bones?” Leonard paused to give him a derisive stare.  
“I’m a doctor.” To prove a point, he yanked the sleeve up and prodded it. Mustard cried out, pulling his limb back.  
“Fuck, ow!”  
“Nope, I was wrong; it’s just gristle.” He smirked as the smug look slipped from the yellow shirt’s face and wow, that kid had freakishly blue eyes; kinda like a raspberry slushie. Leonard shook himself awake and grabbed a septic wipe. He began to tend to the wound and, to be fair to Mustard, he went with the pain. “So, how’d this happen?”  
“The Enterprise jammed up and I went to go take a look,” Mustard explained, watching as Leonard carefully wrapped the gash up. “I caught it on a piston and it scratched me up. Scotty freaked out, insisted I come here.”  
“Glad he did, that was nasty.” Leonard rocked back and stretched, cracking his neck into place as he did. “Well, I think you’re good to go. Make sure to come back later so I can change the gauze.”  
“Thanks Bones.” Leonard narrowed his eyes.  
“I don’t even know your name kid; hardly think we’re at the stage for nicknames.” The blond laughed.  
“You’ve touched my bone, I think we’re good!” However, he stuck his hand out as an olive branch. “Jim Kirk.”  
“McCoy. Leonard McCoy,” the doctor replied, taking the hand and pumping it formally; so this was the infamous Jim!  
“Now we know each other. Nice to meet’cha Bones!”  
The kid skipped off before Leonard could say anything. He watched the retreating yellow shirt and shook his head disbelievingly. 

What a little shit.


	2. The Origins of our Unity

Who would have thought that being a doctor at a theme park would be so stressful?

Since sending Jim on his way to closing time eight hours later Leonard had to tend to a broken arm, soothe a young girl who had an eplieptic fit from the strobe lighting of the ‘Klingon’ ride, talk to someone who had a panic attack in the horror maze and put a Hello Kitty sticker on a scraped child’s knee.   
By the end of it, Leonard was practically dead on his feet. His shoulders were stooped with the pressures of the day and his eyes were hooded with sleep. He yawned and laid down on the bed, his feet dangling off the edge. He began to close his eyes when there was a frantic banging on the door. He groaned and opened a bleary eye.  
“You’d best be dying or else go away!”   
“Professionalism at its finest, Bones!” Leonard blinked as the cheery lilt of Jim’s voice rang through the door. It was then that he remembered that he’d told him to come back earlier.   
“Come in,” he groused and the door opened. Jim ran his eyes over Leonard’s splayed body and raised an eyebrow.  
“Am I interrupting something? Or was this a subtle suggestion of your intention?” Leonard narrowed his eyes and shoved him in his wounded arm. “Again, OW! Pretty certain I could sue you for malpractice!”  
“I don’t think Pike would appreciate my going missing.” Jim smirked and plopped down on the bed.  
“Ooh, cocky. That’s kinky.”  
“Simmer down big boy,” Leonard grunted. “Now, take your shirt off.”  
“Again, kinky.” But Jim followed the instructions and removed the clothing, revealing a vast expanse of peachy skin. Leonard tried not to get caught looking. Jim’s eyes widened slightly but otherwise he said nothing. 

Leonard began to change the dressing, dutifully keeping his eyes on the wound and nothing else. Jim remained still and quiet, which was appreciated.   
“Done,” Leonard announced and Jim grinned, looking down at the fresh binding.  
“Beautiful work; hey, you should try being a doctor!”  
“Ha ha,” Leonard said flatly, although the corner of his mouth quirked upwards at the jibe. Jim winked before frowning slightly.   
“You look tired.” Leonard rolled his eyes as he flopped onto the avaliable space on the end of the bed.  
“No shit,” he mumbled and Jim chuckled.   
“We should go out. Get a drink or something.” The doctor raised an eyebrow.   
“You hitting on me now?” Jim laughed again and Leonard smiled serenely at the sound, the laugh reminiscent of water over stone.  
“Maybe,” the blond winked before poking Leonard in his shoulder. “C’mon, it’ll be fun! I’ll even buy the first round.”

Well, Leo had never been one to say no to free alcohol.

The bar was your typical sleazy hole-in-the-wall, with sticky wooden tables, free peanuts in bulk and the air thick with smoke and trucker farts. Leonard was counting off the safety hazards in his head when Jim skipped up to their table, glasses in hand.   
“I can’t believe you ordered a mint julep,” Jim snorted, handing the drink over.  
“I get an alcohol kick and minty fresh breath. Win-win in my book.” To prove a point Leonard took a deep gulp before blowing lightly on Jim’s face. The man’s eyes watered slightly but he nodded appreciatively.  
“Like I’d just been bitch-slapped with a stick of gum.” Leonard grinned smugly and watched as Jim supped on his own drink, a luminous bottle of WKD.   
“You judge me but you drink the blood of a Smurf?” he said incredulously. Jim giggled around the neck of the bottle and damn, it was those eyes again, as blue as the piss-poor vodka drink.

In the corner the jukebox changed and the opening to ‘Shelter from the Storm’ echoed through the building, encouraging an appreciative murmur from the inebriated crowd. Leonard gasped minutely, earning himself a bemused look from his companion.  
“I, ah... I really like Bob Dylan,” he shrugged, heat spreading to his cheeks. However, instead of being met with ridicule Leonard looked up to see Jim gawping at him, completely mystified.   
“Bob Dylan’s amazing,” he breathed and Leonard couldn’t mask his shock.  
“You’re a Dylan fan?” he asked skeptically. Jim nodded energetically, genuine enthusiasm gracing his face.  
“Hell yeah! My Uncle Randy would play me his ‘John Wesley Harding’ record when I was a kid!”   
“That’s my favourite album!” Leonard cried, almost knocking his drink over as his arm jolted. “I used to try and play it round the house but my then-wife hated it, practically banned it. Gotta say Jim, I never woulda pegged you as a classic rock kind of person.”  
“Are you kidding?! I love that kinda stuff! Rolling Stones, Bowie; soundtrack of my life.”  
“You like Leonard Cohen?” Jim blinked.  
“In my opinion, he’s kind of morbid but there’s no denying the guy’s insanely talented. Reminds me of Bukowski but put to music.” Leonard gawped in disbelief, his mind reeling from this new information. Deep in the back of his mind a little voice that he had long since ignored piped up; ‘He can be your friend!’. Leonard beamed and tipped his head.  
“Good music taste, Bukowski fan... kid, we’re gonna get on fine.” The blond toasted his bottle.  
“Here’s hoping, Bones.” The doctor ducked his head bashfully and clinked their bottles.

“Faggots!” 

Leonard looked up to see that their table was surrounded by a pack of thugs, each one an exact ugly clone of the other. Heading the gang was a particularly stocky man with a thick neck and a thick skull. He leered down at the pair, his pig eyes flashing. Leonard felt his stomach flip.  
“Excuse me?” Jim deadpanned and the brick shithouse repeated his previous insult. A bolt of lightning burst in Jim’s irises and he got to his feet. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”  
“That ain’t an entrance,” the stranger snarled, slapping his ass for emphasis. His gang murmured agreement.  
“Well Cupcake, there’s the exit,” Jim retorted and Leonard flinched; that was the wrong thing to say. Before either of them had time to register what was going on, Leonard found himself being restricted by two bouncer-esque types as Cupcake hurled Jim across the room. The blond cut through the air like the blade of a sword, a clean cut that tore through all in his path. The blond landed clean on the table of a biker group with a loud crash, a meathy thud resounding through the room as his head slapped against the concrete wall behind. He shakily pushed himself up, blood trickling from a cut in his eyebrow. With a deft movement he swung his arm and his fist connected with Cupcake’s jaw, sending the man to the floor.

During all this, Leonard was struggling against the restraints on his arms. Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-dickhead were holding on tight and no matter how hard Leonard twisted and kicked, they held fast. His eyes flickered to the brawl ahead of them and froze; Cupcake had straddled Jim’s hips and was now trying to press his thumbs into the blond’s sockets. Burning cold fear shot through his spine and Leonard’s eyes fogged with a red haze. With an enraged yell he wrenched his arms free and swung his captors into one another, their heads cracking together before they collapsed in a heap on the floor. In a rush of rage, adrenaline and minty freshness Leonard ran at Cupcake and leapt onto his back, pulling him down to the floor. In his confusion Cupcake tried to buck Leonard off, but the yearly visits to the rodeo as a kid had taught him a thing or two and so the doctor held tight. With a quick jab he slammed his elbow into his attacker’s solar plexus, causing Cupcake to roar in pain and erupt into a fit of coughs. In the distance was the wail of sirens and Leonard felt Jim tug on his elbow.   
“Bones, we’ve gotta go!” he shouted over the hubbub of the crowd. His heart still screaming, Leonard clambered to his feet and allowed himself to be pulled out of dodge. 

They pounded concrete for several blocks, Leo’s legs and arms working on auto-pilot as they sprinted to nowhere in particular. Eventually they stopped in an alleyway, wheezing as their lungs struggled to recover.   
“Oh man,” Jim panted, resting his head against the slimy brick wall. “Where’d you learn to fight like that?” Leonard looked up and smiled coyly, straightening his tender back to its full height.  
“I used to get into a fair few bar fights as a kid. And besides, my Gram taught me a fair few things.” He laughed at the expression on Jim’s face and lightly punched him in the arm. “You did good, kid.”  
“Yeah, you too.” They locked eyes, still gasping slightly from the strain. Leonard’s hand was still on Jim’s shoulder and it seemed to him that neither of them were inclined to move. Around them, Leonard could feel the world fade and blur into nothing; whether or not this was brain damage or the strange moment he was currently sharing with Jim, he couldn’t be sure. But either way, he didn’t want it to stop. He leaned in slightly and he could have sworn Jim mirrored the movement when suddenly the blond heaved a melancholy sigh and pulled away. The world snapped back into reality and Leonard was once again in an alleyway in Atlanta, bloodied and bruised. Jim gingerly detached himself from the doctor’s now limp grip.  
“I’ll see ya tomorrow, Bones.” He plunged his hands into the pockets of his black leather jacket and disappeared round the corner, leaving Leonard to hail a cab and wonder what the fuck had just happened.


	3. I Learn Your World

Leonard sat at his desk, lightly running his hands along his arms to try and locate where any internal bruising might be when his door opened and Jim shuffled in, wincing with each step.  
“Mornin’ Bones,” he greeted and the doctor grunted in reply. His head felt like it was stuffed to the brim with cotton wool and he was not at all in the mood for pleasantries. Jim gave him a pitying look. “You feel like shit too, huh?” The doctor nodded, wincing as the motion made his stomach lurch.  
“I forgot an age old lesson last night; never drink on a work night.”  
“I’ll drink to that,” Jim grinned and Leonard shot him a half-hearted glare before sighing and getting to his feet.  
“How’s your head?”  
“Aches like a bitch, as does the rest of me. But,” Jim sighed, grinning cheerily, “I’ll get by. Gotta persevere, right?”  
“I’m just hoping it’s not a busy work day,” Leonard groused and Jim scoffed.  
“We’re in a theme park, Bones.”  
“Yeah, don’t remind me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and Jim stared at him steadily before clapping his hands. Leonard cried out as though a gun had been fired. “Jesus Jim, what the hell?!”  
“You’re not going to sit in here feeling sorry for yourself! You’re coming with me to the Enterprise!” 

Leonard stared at Jim for a moment, considering what he said before he shook his head firmly.  
“No thank you.” Jim’s jaw dropped and he looked at Leonard as though he’d just grown two heads.  
“‘No’?!” he cried incredulously.  
“That was ‘no thank you’ actually.” Jim narrowed his eyes and Leonard laughed. “Look, I appreciate the offer Jim but I just don’t feel comfortable around roller coasters.”  
“Why?!” Leonard buried his face in his palm; of course Jim wouldn’t have been the best person to talk to about this.  
“Look Jim... if I went on the Enterprise I might throw up on ya.”  
“I think these things are pretty safe,” Jim drawled. Leonard grabbed a flask from his desk drawer, shooting Jim a withering look.  
“Don’t pander to me, kid. One tiny cog out of place and we could drop 500ft to our deaths. A break down on a loop might crop up, leave us suspended in our seats. And wait ‘til you’re sitting pretty with one leg missing after getting it trapped in a carriage! Roller coasters are death and danger wrapped in mechanics and screams.” He shook his head and shuddered.  
“Well I hate to break this to you, but Starfleet operates as a theme park,” Jim said, approaching Leonard and sitting primly next to him. Leonard raised an eyebrow before sighing.  
“Yeah, well, I got no where else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones.” He gave a humourless laugh and took a swig from the flask, a shiver running down his spine as the whiskey kicked in. He handed it to Jim, who smiled appreciatively and took a sip. They sat there in their respective silence before Jim put a hand on Leonard’s.The world began to blur once again and the doctor stared at Jim, confused and more than a little besotted.  
“I’ll be with you every step of the way, Bones.” Leonard took a deep breath and squeezed Jim’s hand before letting go and pushing himself up, joints creaking as he did.  
“Come on then,” he grunted, trying not to smile as Jim whooped with delight. 

_‘Space... the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life-forms and new civilisations; to boldly go where no one has gone before. Please keep hands and legs inside the vehicle and your head back against the neck rest...’_

The station was a hive of activity, with groups of tourists chattering and shouting over the shrieks echoing through the tunnel. A deep dramatic voice boomed over the speakers, relaying the background story of the ride and building the atmosphere until the excitement was electric and injected itself into Leonard’s veins. The Russian kid from the day before and a handsome young Asian with dangerously high cheekbones were herding people on and off the trains, entertaining the crowds as they did so. Leonard felt slightly out of place in his medical blues when all other staff were dressed in mustard yellows but no one commented so he let it lie.  
“Okay, so the Enterprise’s launch systems basically work like a huge Super Soaker. She has seven pumps, four accumulators and 32 turbines that work together to launch the car forward.” Leonard watched as Jim gabbled on about the ride, pointing to several things and hopping from foot to foot as he did so, like a child guessing his birthday presents. They were stood by the control panel as Pavel hoarded people onto the trains and secured their restraints. Jim tugged on the doctor’s sleeve and pointed to two blue buttons, both labelled with a strange symbol that Leonard didn’t recognise. “These are the dispatch buttons. You have to press them both at the same time or else the ride won’t go. If you release one of the buttons before the train has left the station then the train will stop and that always leads to complaints.” He waved at Pavel. “Hey Chekov, are we ready to go?”  
“All restraints are secure and reddy for akshiun, Keptin!” the kid lilted and a group of teenage girls giggled behind their hands, watching him like he was a pop star they doted on. Jim beamed, winked at the girls and slammed his hands on the buttons. The train collectively screeched and Jim cackled wickedly, clapping his hands.  
“I love it when they do that!” Leonard raised an eyebrow, rubbing the ring on his pinky finger conciously.  
“You’re a sadistic bastard, you know that Jim?” The blond turned and grinned.  
“Best way to be, Bones!”

Just then, the man with the cheekbones approached them, eyes flickering nervously to Leonard occasionally.  
“I was wondering if I can go on my break,” he said to Jim, who clapped him on the back.  
“Sure can Sulu! Just grab Gaila so she can fill in, yeah?”  
“Aye, Captain!” He gave a playful salute, nodded politely to Leonard who mirrored the action, and scurried off. The doctor raised an eyebrow.  
“He’s the third person I’ve heard call you Captain. What’s up with that?” Jim rubbed the back of his neck, smiling bashfully; Leonard would never admit it, but he kind of found it adorable.  
“I’ve been working the Enterprise since it first opened to celebrate the park’s thirtieth anniversary. ‘Cause I know everything about it and I pretty much dominate the control panel everyone started calling me Captain as a joke but now it’s kinda stuck.” Leonard felt his stomach lurch; it was testament to Jim’s nature, that he as such a generous leader that people held him in such high regard.  
“Have you worked at the park for long?” Jim paused as he contemplated this for a moment before shrugging non-comittaly.  
“Since I was eighteen so... about ten years.” Leonard tried not to look surprised but Jim didn’t seem thrown, for he folded his arms around himself defensively, his eyes hardening to ice. “We don’t all have doctorates.”  
“I never said it was a bad job,” Leonard replied tartly. “In fact, I admire you for it. You do something you love, although how you can love a rollercoaster I don’t know.” The ice melted then and water welled up around the rims of Jim’s eyes.  
“My dad invented the ‘Tarsus IV’ coaster.” Leonard went to ask him a question but Jim turned away, his attention entirely on the control panel. Leonard took that as his cue to leave. 

His earlier wish of an easy day granted, Leonard sat at his desk and stared at his computer screen. He had finished typing up the incident report (an old woman dislocated her hip trying to board the tram) when Jim’s earlier words echoed in his head. Leonard tapped his fingers absently on the keys, filling half a word document with lines of intelligible jibber-jabber. He wanted to see what upset Jim so much about his father’s creation. It wasn’t snooping, not exactly. He was doing it for Jim’s well being, to see if he was okay.  
Keep telling yourself that, McCoy.  
Leonard sighed and, feeling completely ashamed of himself as he did so, typed ‘Tarsus IV’ into the search bar. 

What filled his screen made Leonard’s stomach lurch. The very first search result that flashed up was ‘Twenty-ninth anniversary of theme park tragedy’. He clicked on it, a sense of foreboding lurking within his being. He began to read.

_Today is the twenty-ninth anniversary of the Starfleet bombing which left thirty dead.  
 __On August 27th 1985 legendary roller coaster developer and pioneer in recreational mechanics, George Kirk revealed his brand new roller coaster dubbed ‘Tarsus IV’, a suspended coaster that was built in the San Francisco branch of the global theme park franchise. Over 5000 guests were in attendance at the opening, including the mayor of San Francisco Jonathan Khan, owner Christopher Pike and Kirk’s wife Winona with their two sons.  
 __The ride was set to open at 1100, with the first wave of riders to board immediately after. However, as Mayor Khan began to make his speech a terrorist known only as Konos released a bomb, destroying the track and sending it into the queue.  
 __Thirty visitors were killed including Mayor Khan, George Kirk and his ten year old son, George Samuel.  
 __Starfleet CEO Christopher Pike said: “The San Fran bombings were a travesty that greatly shook the community and affected Starfleet as a working community. We mourn the loss of those thirty lives even today and our love goes to the families effected.”  
 ___Police have confirmed that the bombing was not part of an organised attack and was purely the work of Konos, who the papers dubbed ‘The Executioner’.

Leonard stared open mouthed at the screen, sweat beading on his upper lip. He had only been six when the bombings occurred so he had little recollection of it. But Jim... oh God, Jim. The doctor buried his head in his hands, shivering as he fought back empathetic tears. He ran a hand over his mouth and shook his head disbelievingly. That Jim could keep smiling, especially on today, was heroic. What was even more overwhelming was that Jim had continued to work for Starfleet, despite his history. Leonard swallowed and considered; he didn’t know the blond enough to try and console him about it, not to mention that Jim Kirk was not a character that seemed to crave sympathy. But he couldn’t let the information lie...  
Jim picked up on the third ring.  
“Bones? I didn’t know you had my number!”  
“You gave it to me last night, Jim,” the doctor scoffed, trying his best to be neutral.  
“Oh yeah... sorry ‘bout that!” he lilted. “So, what’s up?”  
“I was wondering if you want to go for a drink tonight? Or a meal or something?”  
“Like a date?” Jim asked dubiously, although the tone of his voice suggested he wasn’t as thrown by the suggestion as he implied. Leonard rolled his eyes.  
“No Jim. I just figured you could do with a night out.” There was silence on the other end as Leonard recognised what he’d just said. He was kicking himself when a deadpan chuckle crackled down the line.  
“Sure, Bones. I’d love to.” 

Leonard didn’t tell his grandmother what was said that night and she didn’t push. That doesn’t mean she didn’t notice the tear tracks streaking the doctor’s face or see him twirling the ring on his pinky, a tick he always had whenever he was sad. And if she heard him talking down the phone to someone called ‘Jim’ well into midnight well, she didn’t complain about the noise.


	4. Our Realities Combine

A month passed and Leonard found that his relationship with Jim had reached a mutual point of understanding that laid them both in a comfortable foundation. They bonded over the loss of a real paternal figure and their respective appreciation for life that stemmed from these deaths. And besides, in Leonard’s opinion, their personalities complimented one another; it was like Leonard was the cool breeze to the intense heat of Jim’s smile. The development of a friendship was fate.

But that did _not _mean he had planned on fathering a child with him.__

They were sat in the medical room one day, Leonard sorting through a chart that documented the day’s incidents whilst Jim sat on the edge of the bed, swinging his legs and crunching on an apple when the phone rang.  
“I’ll get it!” Jim cried when Leonard jolted his hands out and grabbed the receiver, smirking at Jim who pouted petulantly and poked his tongue out before throwing the apple core in the bin with acute precision.  
“Doctor McCoy’s office, Doctor McCoy speaking,” he said in his professional phone voice reserved for work or dealing with call center shmucks.  
“Leonard? It’s Gram.” Leonard immediately relaxed his shoulders and pinched the bridge of his nose.  
“Gram, you’re not supposed to call me when I’m at work,” he sighed and flipped Jim the bird as he choked with laughter.  
“Leonard Horatio, don’t you take that tone with me!” Alana snapped, her voice so loud that Jim looked over in shock.  
“Ah Gram, your dulcet tones are all I need this early in the morning,” he sighed but smiled wearily. “What’s up?”  
“Jocelyn called me. It’s about Joanna.”  
Immediately Leonard sat bolt upright, his grip on the receiver tightening to the point where the knuckles threatened to pop through the skin.  
“Is she okay?” Jim frowned questioningly at him, but he waved his hands impatiently to signify ‘shut the hell up’.  
“Hm? Oh yeah, she’s fine,” Alana said easily and Leonard let out a breath of relief he didn’t know he was holding in.  
“Well then what’s wrong?”  
“Nothing is wrong, Leonard. Why do you always think something’s wrong?”  
“I’m a pessimist, it’s hardly my fault,” the doctor countered and his grandmother scoffed down the line.  
“I beg to differ. But never mind that. What I was calling for is that Jocelyn has agreed to let Joanna come visit us for the weekend.” 

It’s a good thing Leo was sat down, otherwise he most likely would have fainted and that wouldn’t have looked good. 

“Bones, are you okay? You’re hyperventilating,” Jim said from his place on the bed. Leonard shakily put the receiver down, his head swimming. He barely registered Jim’s question but turned to face him, an uncharacteristically large grin spread across his face.  
“I’m... I’m brilliant, Jim. Absolutely brilliant!” He jumped up and laughed, clapping his hands and rubbing them together, grazing his pinky ring as he did. “Oh yes, I’m brilliant. Ha-ha!”  
“Bones? Mind telling me what’s so ‘brilliant’? Not that I’m not happy for you or anything but seeing you grinning and clapping is like Eeyore wearing pink glitter singing ‘Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows’. It’s wrong.” Leonard didn’t process the vague insult, but simply clapped some more.  
“Joanna’s coming down to see me!”  
Jim blinked and his face clouded over with an emotion Leonard couldn’t quite place.  
“Is that your girlfriend?” he asked, voice flat. The doctor frowned slightly.  
“Huh? No, Jim. It’s my daughter. The kid in the photo frame.” To highlight his point he grabbed the frame from his desk and handed it to the blond, who stared down at it with realisation in his eyes.  
“Ooh,” he whispered and Leonard rolled his eyes.  
“‘Girlfriend’. Please Jim, I’m not a love doctor!” The captain of the Enterprise snorted and looked down again.  
“She’s beautiful, Bones.”  
“Thanks, Jim. She looks a lot like her mom, although she’s got the McCoy hair and morning grouchiness.” He smiled fondly and ran his finger down the picture’s cheek before turning to Jim once more. “When the divorce came through her mom took her to live in Orlando so there’s quite a distance to go. I get to see her every so often but with her mom’s work schedule these visits are few and far between.” He sighed and Jim did too.  
“I get it. My Uncle Randy lived a long way off from us so it sucked when I couldn’t see him. I’ve told you about Uncle Randy, right?”  
“‘John Wesley Harding’, I remember.” Jim nodded enthusiastically.  
“Yeah well, he was always my favourite person to be around as a kid but he worked in Cali, which is a day or so away from Iowa and mom couldn’t be bothered to drive. I know it’s not exactly like your situation, but I guess I can relate.” 

He paused to breathe and think for a moment before yelping, startling Leonard out of his skin.  
“Jesus Jim, what?!”  
“Bring Joanna here!” Leonard’s eyebrow tried to make passionate love with his hairline as he stared at Jim.  
“What?” he deadpanned and the coaster attendant hopped from foot to foot excitedly.  
“Seriously, bring her here! Kids love nothing more than a theme park! And Pike wouldn’t mind, if I ask him!” Leonard thought this over for a moment.  
“Her mom would kill me if she went on a roller coaster...” he said dubiously and Jim scoffed.  
“I’m not that stupid! There are kiddy rides! Come oooonnn, Bones!” he whined, pouting. “It’ll be fun!”  
“You’re the fucking kid here,” Leonard grumbled, but Jim’s enthusiasm was clearly rubbing off on him for he was grinning again. “Okay, fine. But you’re helping me babysit.”  
“YES!” Jim cried, punching the air before doing a little spin. “Aw man, this is gonna be great!” He then looked at his watch and his face fell a little. “Shit, my shift’s about to begin. In a bit, Bones!” He skipped out the building, singing below his breath. It took Leonard only a minute to recognise the tune before he started singing too.

“When Joanna loved me  
Every sound was music  
Music made of laughter  
Laughter that was bright and gay.” 

____

~***~

“Leonard Horatio McCoy, quit your fussing!” 

Leo glared at his grandmother through the corner of his eyes, running his hands deliberately up and down his pant legs to try and rid himself of lint.  
“I can’t help it, Gram. I’m anxious. I ain’t see Jo in three odd months.” Alana patted his back sympathetically, her world weary eyes lined with wrinkles. It had never struck Leonard how old she truly was.  
“I know, boy. I know.” Just then a silver Range Rover pulled up in their drive and Leonard felt his heart do a triple flip. His hand instinctively flew to Alana’s shoulder as a young girl in a yellow gingham dress stepped out of the passenger seat, a tiny brown suitcase in her hands. Leonard felt his breath hitch in his throat. Even in the course of three months Joanna had grown so much. Her thick black hair was now skimming her shoulders and her face looked slimmer somehow, despite being only six years old. When her eyes fell on him her face broke out into a gap-toothed grin and she ran at him, flinging her suitcase to the floor so that she could throw her arms open.  
“Daddy!” she cried and leaped into his embrace, her arms tight around his neck. She held on a little too tight but Leonard didn’t mind, just pulling her closer.  
“Hello darlin’,” he breathed, his eyes pricking with moisture. “You’ve gotten so big.” She pulled back to smile at him.  
“I’ve been eatin’ my greens,” she said proudly, her grin so beautiful it hurt.  
“Good girl!” he snickered before gesturing to Alana. “You gonna say hi to your great-grammy?”  
“Grammy!” Jo squealed and reached for the woman, who took her and held her aloft with a strength that no one would know she had just by looking.  
“Hey there baby girl! I’ve got some cake inside, if you wanna have a piece?”  
“YAY!” The girl jumped down and grabbed her grandmother’s arthritic hand, pulling her inside the McCoy barnhouse. Leonard put his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet as he heard footsteps approach.  
“Alana’s never been subtle, has she?” a wavering voice chuckled awkwardly.  
“Hi Joss,” Leonard deadpanned, looking up at his ex-wife blankly. She looked good, like she had on their wedding day. She’d put on weight too, but he couldn’t mock her for it; his Gram had raised him to be a gentleman and he’d damned well honour her. “You look good.”  
“Thanks.” They stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment and Leonard rubbed the back of his neck, scavenging his brain for something to day. But it was eventually Jocelyn who broke the silence. “So, Alana said over the phone you’re taking her to your workplace?”  
“Yep.”  
“A theme park.” Jocelyn laughed disbelievingly, shaking her head. “I’ve got to say Leonard, I never would have had you down as the ‘theme park’ type.”  
“Too fun for my tastes?” he asked dryly and the half-smile that graced her face slipped instantly.  
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” she muttered and Leonard sighed.  
“I know Joss, I know.” They stood in silence once again, although this time it was contemplative and remorseful, like when you’re at a wake. It was an appropriate analogy, Leonard thought; the death of love.  
“I’m sorry it had to end like that, Len. You have to understand that I never meant to hurt you.”  
“Yeah, tip for the future; cheating on a man with his neighbour in your shared bed is kind of hurtful,” Leonard snapped and damn, maintain your composure! Jocelyn’s nostrils flared and she looked about ready to break when she took a deep breath and unclenched her fists.  
“I deserved that,” she said slowly. “But please Leonard, don’t let our loss effect Jo. It’s not good for her.”  
“I wouldn’t know what’s good, I barely see her,” Leonard quipped before sighing. “But I understand. I wanna make this as easy for her as I can, honest to God I do.”  
“I hope someday we can be friends again, Len,” she whispered and Leonard’s shoulders sagged with defeat.  
“That day’s a long way off, Joss,” he admitted softly. “But for now, let’s just be Joanna’s parents. Deal?” Jocelyn gave a sad smile and nodded.  
“Deal.” He gave a curt nod before gesturing back to the house. “Right, right.” They stood opposite one another for a beat, neither of them sure of the proper ettiquete between exes before Jocelyn sighed and lumbered back to the car. It was only then, looking at her from the side on, that he noticed the slight swell of her stomach. 

Oh. 

~***~

Leonard knew that Jim would be fine with Joanna from the beginning. This wasn’t just because he was a big kid himself, but because he had this connection with younger children that a lot of grown people lacked. He didn’t talk down to them, or patronise them; he got down to their level and held eye contact when they talked. He listened to their opinions and considered them in the way he would an adult, a trait that Leonard had to admire as he watched the coaster attendant sit cross legged on the grass with his daughter, deep in thought.  
“So she’s a pop-star all the time?” he said slowly and Jo shook her head impatiently.  
“No Jimmy, she’s only a pop-star when she’s wearing the blonde wig!”  
“And then she’s Hannah Montana?” Jo giggled and clapped her hands.  
“You got it, Jimmy!” They exchanged mega-watt grins that were so bright Leonard was surprised he didn’t need sunglasses. “We should totally watch it together sometime!”  
“I’ll ti-vo it when I get home,” Jim said solemnly and Jo nodded, equally as intense.  
“I hate to break this up,” Leonard announced from the bench. “But Jim’s break is gonna end soon and he needs to go back to the Enterprise.”  
“The big one?” Jo asked breathlessly, eyes widening at Jim. “You’re the captain of that one?!” Jim saluted, a goofy grin on his face.  
“Captain James Tiberius Kirk, at your service ma’am!” Joanna squealed in delight as Jim zoomed in to tickle her. Leonard watched, his throat dry as he watched the pair roll around in the grass, kicking up pollen. She was normally so shy around strangers, so awkward; he had expected Jim to be fine with her but for her to be so okay with him was a completely different matter. It sold the deal for him.  
Suddenly, Jo screamed and both adults sat bolt upright.  
“What’s the matter darlin’?!” Leonard cried, rushing to her side to check her for bruises.  
“Did I hurt you?” Jim asked anxiously. Joanna shook her head violently and pointed wildly ahead of her.  
“Lookit! Look at the balloons!”  
“Huh?” Both men turned their heads to follow where her finger was aimed and made noises of realisation; a young woman with a halo of blonde hair was skipping about the park, a bunch of balloons of all shapes and colours in her hand.  
“Oh, that’s Carol,” Jim piped up. “She sells all sorts of doo-hikeys.”  
“Can I get one Jimmy?” Jo asked breathlessly and Leonard wrinkled his nose.  
“I think Jim has to go t-”  
“Chekov can take over,” Jim interjected and scrabbled to his feet, hoisting Joanna up as he did so. “Come on Jojo, let’s go get a balloon!” They bolted ahead before Leonard was halfway to his feet.

When the trio approached Carol, Leonard was surprised to see Joanna hide behind Jim.  
“Hey Carol!” the coaster attendant beamed and the blonde woman turned big blue eyes on him, her smile sincere.  
“Jim, hey. I see you have company,” she noted, crouching down to smile at Jo. “Hi there sweetie!” Joanna whimpered and shied further away behind Jim. Leonard chuckled fondly.  
“She’s kinda shy around new people,” he explained, taking hold of Carol’s elbow to guide her up again. “Hi, I’m Leonard McCoy.” The balloon vendor took a moment to rake her eyes over Leonard, her pink lips curling upwards.  
“Hi there Leonard,” she purred and Jim coughed suddenly, erratically.  
“Can I get two balloons please, Carol?” he asked and the blonde shook herself alert.  
“Sure can, Jim-bo! Which ones would you like?” Jim cocked his head and crouched to converse with Jo.  
“Which ones do you like, Jojo?”  
“Can we match?” she whispered and Jim’s eyes twinkled with mirth.  
“I think that can be arranged.” He jumped up and pointed to the bunch. “Two classic red ones, please!” Carol nodded and handed them over. Leonard dug in his pocket to find some change when the vendor stuck her hand out to stop him.  
“Free of charge,” she smiled, her eyes holding a deeper meaning that made him blush.  
“Thank you,” he mumbled as she handed the balloons to Jim, who in turn handed one to Joanna. The blue eyed man looked at the other two adults with an ambiguous expression before he squeezed Joanna’s hand.  
“Come on, I’ll go take you to the petting zoo!” They ran ahead and Leonard gave Carol a half-hearted shrug.  
“I’ll see you later,” he muttered and scarpered off, chasing after his daughter and his friend. 

When Leonard caught up with them, Jim and Joanna were sat on the fence surrounding the lamb enclosure. Jim had tied the balloons onto their wrists and was now taking the opportunity to point out the different lambs and their names. Joanna’s intent gaze flickered from Jim to the creatures, her mouth slightly open as she stared in awe. Leonard watched the two, the joy on their faces and the excitement in their movements and felt his stomach clench. The sunlight reflected off of Jim’s hair and circled him in a halo of gold and light. He found his face mirroring his daughters because dammit if he wasn’t in awe of Jim too.  
No, not awe, Leonard thought. This is something more... it’s gotta be.  
Leonard focused on Jim again and was a bit thrown to see that the blond was looking back over his shoulder in his direction, his face formed in the serious expression he’d been wearing a lot lately when he thought Leonard couldn’t see. Jo followed her companion’s gaze and waved excitedly. Leonard blinked and wiggled his fingers in reply. The spell broken, Jim winked before he hopped down into the enclosure and hefted Jo onto his back, taking her in to mingle with the critters. Leonard continued to watch and continued to melt in the golden gleam of James Kirk. 

“Thanks for taking care of her,” Leonard said later on, a snoozing Jo cradled in his arms, a string of drool running down his shoulder and a red balloon nudging him in the head occasionally from its place on his wrist.  
“Aw, it’s nothing Bones,” Jim shrugged, although the grin he adopted showed that he secretly relished the praise.  
“I mean it, she’s never normally like this with strangers. She kinda just latched onto you; it’s... pretty amazing, actually.” Jim smiled tenderly and ran a hair through Joanna’s hair. She mewed at the touch and snuggled closer to her father, who chuckled and moved her slightly so that he could accomodate her dead weight. Leonard kissed her head and Jim did the same, his face so close to the doctor’s that he could smell the blond’s shampoo. The coaster attendant reared back and his eyes locked with Leonard’s. The familiar blur descended on them once again and the doctor felt inclined to step forward closer. Jim mirrored the movement until their toes were touching and their breath was mingling, Leonard’s coffee combining with the mint of Jim’s gum. Leonard didn’t realise he’d been holding his breath until Jim moved to pick a loose strand of Joanna’s hair from the fabric of his sleeve. Then, agonisingly slow, Jim leaned forward and pressed his lips to the doctor’s ear.  
“Be seeing you, Bones,” he whispered, his breath hot and heavy against the tender skin. Leonard huffed and smiled slightly, pulling back so that he could slide Joanna into the back seat. Jim watched him with crossed arms the whole time. When Leonard straightened up the blond opened his mouth as if he were about to speak, before stopping himself and shaking his head. “Safe journey. I’ll see you tomorrow?”  
“Sure Jim, sure,” Leonard replied before a thought struck him. “Say, how’d you feel about coming round my place for dinner tomorrow?” Jim’s eyes widened fractionally.  
“You sure?” he asked and Leonard nodded firmly.  
“100%, Jim.” The blond laughed and bobbed his head enthusiastically.  
“I’d love to!”  
“Awesome. I’ll text you the details later. G’night, Jim.” With that, Leonard slipped into the driver seat and pulled away, Jim waving him off until he was nothing more than a speck in the distance. 

That night, as Leonard tucked Joanna into her bed in the spare room, Joanna’s eyes fluttered open, a frown puckering her pretty brow.  
“Daddy?” she croaked and Leonard shushed her, smoothing her hair back gently.  
“Hey baby,” he murmured and the girl looked round uncertainly.  
“Where’s Jimmy?”  
“He’s at home, baby. You’ll see him tomorrow though.” His daughter nodded slowly, deep in thought. “What’s wrong?”  
“When are you going to marry him?” she asked. Leonard stopped and his brows knitted together; Jocelyn knew about his sexual preferences but he never would have thought she’d tell Jo.  
“What makes you think I’m going to marry him, baby?” he stammered and she smiled complacently, closing her eyes and burying her face in her pillow.  
“Because you love him and I know that he loves you.” Leonard could feel the cogs in his mind whirring and he fisted a hand in his hair.  
“Did he tell you that, baby?” But he got no reply. Jo was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lyrics included in this chapter are from 'When Joanna Loved Me' by Tony Bennett. I do not own the song, all rights to their respective owners and all that cal.


	5. We Wine, We Dine and We Pine

The McCoy household was a beautiful structure, built just before the Depression in the 20s. It was a two story farmhouse made up of flaking yellow wood panels with a closed porch held up by four white columns out front. The land itself was substantial, with the main feature of the garden being a towering American Beech tree with a tyre swing hanging down from the depths of its branches. Leonard’s great grandfather Atticus had built it with his own bare hands and it had been home to the McCoy’s ever since. Although Alana currently owned it, the house was entitled to Leonard after her death; it had been to Leonard’s father but since his death from cancer four years previous her will had been changed to suit her grandson.  
Alana McCoy was very meticulous in her keeping of the house. She dedicated her every spare moment to cleaning it, mopping the floors and dusting the ceilings until dust became nothing more than a wives tale. Leonard helped around where he could, usually in re-tiling the roof or giving the house a lick of paint when needed. But today was different; today was the day that Jim came round for the first time.

“Leonard Horatio, you’re running yourself ragged!” Alana complained from her rocking chair in the corner of the parlour. Leo was scurrying about the room, straightening pictures and running his finger over any ledges to try and find something he could dust.  
“I can’t help it Gram, I need to keep myself occupied,” he retorted before sticking his head out the door and shouting upstairs. “Joanna, are you playing nicely up there?”  
“Yes daddy!” she hollered back.  
“Have you kept your dress clean?”  
“Yes.”  
“And your face is washed?”  
“Yes!”  
“Did you clean behind your ears?”  
“...”  
“Go do it right this instant, young lady!” He ran his hands down his face and groaned, slumping down on the couch with a groan.  
“I don’t think James is going to look behind her ears, Leonard,” Alana said slyly, finishing her row of stitches and moving on to another one. Leonard narrowed his eyes at her before focusing on her knitting.  
“You’re seriously knitting a jumper? In this weather?”  
“It’s a tea cosy!” Alana cried indignantly, throwing a ball of yarn at him. Leonard ducked nimbly and laughed in triumph, which softened Alana’s face. “There’s the old McCoy laugh. I miss hearing that.” Leonard smiled sadly at his Gram, whose hand instinctively went to the wedding band on her finger. He too touced his own ring and they sighed in synch.  
“Yeah,” Leonard sighed, a tremor in his voice. “I do too.”

The grief was interrupted by a rapid knock from the front door. Leonard’s head snapped round to the direction of the sound and he quickly got to his feet when the sound of thundering footsteps tore through the building. Alana sniggled.  
“Looks like Jo’s beat you too it.”  
“JIMMY!” The two adults collectively winced as Joanna’s shrill cry of joy rang plangent and pierced their ears.  
“Say what you want Gram, she’s got your strong lungs,” Leonard commented dryly and Alana’s chest puffed with pride.  
“Hey Jojo!” Leonard heard Jim exult. “Where’s your daddy?”  
“He’s in the parlour with Grammy. I’ll go get him!”  
“Bring him round, Jo honey!” Alana called back and within seconds the door was opened and Jim entered, Joanna dangling from his back like a sloth.  
“Hey Jim. This is my Gram, Alana.”  
“Heya Bones. Ma’am,” Jim greeted, nodding politely at Alana.  
“‘Bones’?” she repeated and Leonard mentally cursed himself for not alerting her to the nickname eariler.  
“That’s my nickname for Leonard. He looked after my arm mighty fine when we first met,” Jim explained, smiling easily. Leonard watched as the tension seeped from Alana’s shoulders and she beamed at her grandson.  
“That’s my boy! He’s golden, ain’t he?”  
“Yes ma’am,” Jim said earnestly, his eyes trained on a flushing Leonard.  
Joanna, who seemed unimpressed that the attention wasn’t on her, tugged on Jim’s ear.  
“Jimmy, come play with me!”  
“Baby, Gram’s just made dinner,” Leonard interjected but Alana waved him off.  
“It ain’t finished quite yet. You have a few minutes.” Joanna yelped and lightly kicked Jim in the thigh.  
“Go on horse-y, to my room!” Jim dutifully whinnied and cantered out the room, leaving Alana and Leonard alone. The doctor looked expectantly at his Gram, who had a secretive smile on her thin lips.  
“What’re you gleamin’ at?” he asked and she wagged her finger at him.  
“I’ve got your number, Leonard Horatio. Ain’t no foolin’ me.”  
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” Leonard countered and Alana snorted.  
“Sure. He seems like a charming young creature; I haven’t been called ma’am in quite some time. And he’s handsome, too!”  
“Sure is,” Leonard agreed before stopping abruptly. “A-a charming guy, I mean.”  
“I didn’t say anything,” Alana laughed before slapping him on the shoulder. “Come on and help me get the table set.”

Alana had prepared a sumptuous meal of chicken, corn-on-the-cob, grits and cornbread with the famous Grammy McCoy Peach Cobbler for desserts. She sat at one end of the table with Leonard directly facing her. Jim and Jo were sat either side of them.  
“Jim, would you be so kind as to say grace?” Alana asked, her gaze intense. Jim seemed a little surprised to have the attention on him but quickly adapted, an easy smile spreading across his face.  
“Why ma’am, I’d be honoured.” He clasped his fingers and ducked his head, his eyelids hiding the penetrating blue of his irises from Leonard’s view, giving him no reason to leave his own eyes open. When he was certain everyone was ready, he began.

“Bless, O’Lord that we are about to eat. We pray, O’ God, that it may be good for our body and soul. If any poor creature be hungry or thirsty then lead them our way so that we may offer our bounty to them. Um...” Leonard felt eyes on him and he cracked on lid open to see Jim staring imploringly at him. “Help,” he mouthed and Leonard smirked.  
“As we eat this food, so we are thankful to You, our Saviour,” he mouthed back and Jim quickly repeated this, throwing in an ‘amen’ for good measure. Alana opened her eyes and smiled warmly at Jim.  
“That was beautiful. Well, let’s not just sit here with our bellies rumblin’. Dig in!” As Jim began to hand out the corn-on-the-cob, he made contact with Leonard.  
“Thanks,” he whispered. The doctor smirked and grabbed a cob, winking at his guest. 

“So Jim,” Alana said conversationally once everyone’s plates were filled. “You don’t have a Southern accent. Where do you originally come from?” Jim finished his mouthful and set his chicken drumstick down.  
“I was born in San Francisco but when I was half a year old my mom moved us to her hometown in Riverside, Iowa. I stayed there for eighteen years when our family friend, Chris Pike rang and asked me if I wanted a job down here. I managed to rent out an apartment cheap and I’ve been here ever since.” Leonard tilted his head, fascinated by the revelation.  
“Oh, that’s lovely!” Alana smiled, before turning her attention to Joanna. “Young lady, are you eating your grits?”  
“I ain’t in the mood for grits, Grammy,” she replied and Alana raised a delicate eyebrow (an action that Leonard had inherited).  
“Joanna Lurleen McCoy, you will eat your grits or you can rest assured you shan’t be gettin’ any dessert later.” Jo looked imploringly to her father and, when she saw no sympathy, went straight to Jim. He held his hands up and shook his head, smiling slightly. The girl pouted and plunged her fork into the mash with venom, glaring at the three adults the whole time. Alana grinned smugly and ate a forkful of her own grits, swallowing it with relish. 

It was evident that Joanna wouldn’t last the meal and within minutes Leonard found himself carrying his daughter up the stairs to her bedroom, where she curled up into the covers and slipped away. Leonard smiled and began downstairs when he heard muted conversation between Alana and Jim. Whilst he knew it was rude to eavesdrop, the temptation was too great and he hid behind the door to listen.  
“I really do appreciate you letting me come to dinner, ma’am,” Jim said, oozing politeness.  
“It’s no problem, Jim. I’m just glad Leonard has a friend. He’s not had an easy life, so it’s good that he has someone who he enjoys spending time with.”  
“His divorce couldn’t have been easy,” Jim conceded and Leonard winced as Alana made a noise of scorn.  
“His marriage wasn’t, either! His ex was cheating on him with his neighbour throughout most of it! Even during the hard time with his father...”  
“What happened to his father?”  
“Why, don’t you know?” Leonard felt his stomach knot as a wave of cold ran through him; he knew what was coming but he couldn’t bring himself to stop it. The logical part of him knew that Jim had to be told.  
“I know that Leonard’s father - your son - died from pancreatic cancer around the time Joanna was three but that’s it. I’m sorry for your loss, by the way.”  
“Thank you Jim, but it wasn’t the cancer that got him. I can’t believe Leonard hasn’t told you.” There was a moment of uncomfortable silence and for a blissful second Leonard thought his grandmother would remain silent on the matter. But alas, he was wrong for within seconds she began to speak. 

“It’s true that David did have pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed around the time Joanna was born. Well, Leonard took the news incredibly hard. They were best friends, as thick as thieves; when Leonard's mother Delia died giving birth to him David took it upon himself to be both parental roles to his son. He taught Leonard how to make the famous McCoy baked beans, how to make a splint, how to knit... anything Leonard wanted to know, David made it his job to find out. It was heartwarming, to see them together. So when he heard the news Leonard went out of his way to learn everything he could about the disease. He spent most days in the hosptial talking to the nurses about it... do you know, I think that was the driving force to him becoming a doctor? Anyway, after three years of intense chemo and various other treatments it was evident that David was going to go, and soon. But the problem with my son is that he always wanted his way and he didn’t want the cancer to get him. So he asked Leo to help him take some pills. Obviously, Leonard refused at first. But David just kept on asking and asking and I think eventually he realised that his father would never be at peace unless he did what he asked. So, one day... David went peacefully from an overdose. Leonard had an alibi and the coroner decided that there was nothing anyone could have done; if he hadn’t of taken the pills that day it was more than likely that he’d be gone the next anyway. I didn’t know any of this at the time, obviously. But the night of the funeral Leonard stayed with me and he just told me everything. I couldn’t judge him or be angry at him, even if I wanted to... he’s never stopped blaming himself, I don’t think. I doubt he ever will.” 

Leonard rested his forehead against the wall, fighting back the emotion that ripped through his body as he focused on his breathing and the conversation behind the door.  
“Jesus, I had no idea... I mean, I knew his father died but I didn’t think... oh my gosh...” Jim’s voice seemed distant, like he was in another place at another time. When Alana next spoke, there were tremors in her voice.  
“I lost both of them, that day. And it’s only now, that you’re here, that I think I’ve got my Leonard back.”  
“Ma’am...”  
“Alana,” Mrs McCoy interrupted. “You can call me Alana.”  
Leonard, who had regained some semblance of calm, took that as his cue to enter the room and pushed the door open, smiling as though he’d only just come down.  
“Sorry I took so long, she wanted a story!” he said jubilantly, pretending that he didn’t notice the tear tracks streaking Alana’s face or the downturn of Jim’s lips. “So, where’s the cobbler?”

“I had a really nice time tonight.” Jim and Leonard stood outside in the drive, the light from the doorway illuminating them and casting their elongated shadows into the night.  
“Thanks for coming, Jo was mighty thrilled to see you,” Leonard smiled.  
“Your grandma is really something, you know that?”  
“Yeah, I know. Mad as a box of ferrets but her heart’s in the right place.” They both laughed when suddenly Jim placed his hand on Leonard’s shoulder, his expression sombre.  
“I know you were listening,” he said quietly and the doctor froze. “I could see you through the crack in the door.” Leonard nodded slowly.  
“And what do you think?”  
“I think that it was very brave of you,” Jim said, stepping in closer. “I’m just sad you didn’t tell me earlier.”  
“I didn’t know how you’d react,” Leonard whispered. “I mean I’m a murderer, for fuck’s sake.”  
“No you’re not,” Jim cut sharply, his brow knitting together. “Don’t you ever think that Leonard, ever!” He pulled the doctor into a hug then and Leonard collapsed into Jim, melting into him like they were two pieces made to fit. He buried his face in the crook of Jim’s neck and breathed him in, committing the scent of sunshine and pine trees and bubblegum to memory. Jim knotted his hands in Leonard’s hair and pulled him tighter still, so hard they could have become one. “I don’t ever want you to be sad again, Bones. Ever.”  
“It’s so hard, Jim,” Leonard sobbed, his eyes wet but the tears dormant. “It’s so fucking hard.”  
“I know,” the blond whispered, pulling back so he could swipe his thumb across a tear. “But I’m your friend. I’ll get you through this, I promise.”

And Leonard well and truly believed him.


	6. Our Rope Begins to Fray

Leonard stared down at the text book, his cheek resting on his fist. He was reading up about the effects of alcohol on the cardiovascular system. It was nothing that he didn’t already know but his body was still recovering from his brief stint at alcoholism three years ago and regularly exercising was meant to help him recover... hopefully. He sighed and rubbed his face; alcohol was the bane of his fucking life. In times of trouble he ran to it like a little kid would to its parent, desperate for comfort and support. But instead of looking after him, the alcohol completely fucked him over and cost him the living rights to his daughter. He could feel the familiar dark tinge of depression lapping at him when Jim knocked on the door, smiling like the Joker. Since the revelation at dinner a week ago Jim had been a constant presence in Leonard’s every day life (not that he hadn’t been before but this time he was really taking it to extremes). Every time Leonard found himself feeling melancholic Jim was ready with an uplifting text message. When Jo went home and Leonard just wanted to sleep Jim took him to the bar where they ate peanuts (health codes be damned!) and ended up re-enacting ‘Summer Nights’ at the karaoke. It was like Jim had imprinted on Leonard’s thoughts and emotions and now knew what he was feeling even before he did himself. It was strange but oddly enough not unwelcome.  
“Heya Bones! What are you doing?” he asked, bounding over to look over the doctor’s shoulder.  
“Just reading up some more on my condition,” he replied lightly and Jim’s eyes widened.  
“What’s wrong?” he demanded urgently and Leo cocked an eyebrow.  
“Nothing’s wrong, Jim. The only problem is that I used to drink a lot of alcohol and my body’s struggling to cope with it; I have to do a lot of detoxing and exercise to combat that. I’m seeing what exercise I can and can’t do without straining myself, that’s all.” The blond physically relaxed and smiled easily.  
“Well hey, me and some of the gang go jogging every Wednesday. You should come.” Leonard snorted.  
“You don’t want me as a running partner. You’ll have to drag me up a hill or something!”  
“I can carry you,” Jim said seriously before beaming. “It’ll be fun! And afterwards you can come round my house and we’ll eat tubs of ice-cream to replace all the calories we burned off. How’s that?” Leonard shook his head, smiling complacently.  
“Okay, sure. Should we take my car?”  
“Sounds great Bones!” He skipped off once again and just like that Leonard didn’t feel anywhere near as sad any more.

“This is the end!” 

Jim and Leonard turned as Scotty staggered along behind them, still moving but not nearly with as much enthusiasm as he had been five blocks ago.  
“I can’nae do it Captain! I don’t have the power!” he wheezed, now crawling at a steady pace. Chekov and Sulu were running leisurely behind Scotty to make sure they could prevent him from rolling back down the hill and Uhura was already one block ahead of them all.  
“Come on Scotty, use those big muscles you got from caber tossing!” Jim teased and the Scotsman shot him a venomous glare.  
“I’ll ignore that mild racism on account of the fact that it hurts to talk!” he retorted and Leonard jogged back to stoop down and haul him up. He rested his ear on Scotty’s chest to listen to his heartbeat and patted his cheek.  
“Your heart rate’s high but that’s normal. How often do you exercise?”  
“Doctah, normally I’d have given up at this point and gone to the pub!” Scotty exclaimed, pointing to an old England tavern on the left. “I’m only doing this because my jeans are too tight and I deserve a sexeh bodeh!”  
“Well then move it Fat Bastard!” Sulu snickered, prodding Scotty in his pudge.  
“Even more racism! If I wasn’t Scottish, I’d be offended!” Leonard shook his head fondly and handed the man over to Chekov, who began to spout sickly sweet words of encouragement that made even Scotty work a little harder.  
Eventually they made it to the end of the next block, where Nyota was waiting patiently for them.  
“I was beginning to think you’d all died,” she smirked and Jim grinned.  
“Well, Scotty’s halfway there,” he commented, pointing to the Scotsman who was currently being carried in a fireman’s hold by Leonard.  
“I was giving her all she’s got, Captain!” he called from the doctor’s grasp and Jim rolled his eyes.  
“Sure you were, Scotty! Walk it off!” Leonard placed the Scotsman on the floor and walked over to the pair, where he then removed his backpack and handed them both a bottle of ice cold water.  
“You were jogging whilst carrying those around?” Nyota asked in awe. Leonard nodded.  
“It wasn’t as hard as I imagined. Besides, I’d be a pretty lousy doctor if I didn’t take dehydration into consideration.”  
“Well doctor, I’d feel safe in your more than capable hands any day,” she winked and Leonard chuckled softly.  
“I’m good with my hands,” he replied and Jim’s eyes widened.  
“How’s Spock, Uhura?” he enquired and immediately the woman’s face dropped. She held her chin up and shoved past Jim to talk to Sulu, who was watching Chekov pour water over Scotty in amusement.  
“That was a dick move, Jim,” Leonard admonished when she was out of ear shot. “And completely uncalled for.” Jim folded his arms and glared off to the side, his actions reminiscent of Joanna when she was in a strop.  
“I didn’t like her flirting with you,” he muttered and now it was Leonard’s turn to look shocked.  
“Jim, it’s pretty obvious she’s not interested in me! And what does it matter, anyway?” Again, the blond refused to make eye contact and eventually the doctor sighed. “Okay, it seems I’m going to have to treat you like a child. You’re going to go over there and you’re going to apologise to Uhura right this second.”  
“Or what?” Jim challenged.  
“Or else I’ll eat all the cookie dough ice-cream and you’ll be without.” 

That did it.

An hour later, they were all sat in the front room of Jim’s apartment, eating mint ice-cream while some science fiction show played in the background.  
“How do you like your mint choc chip, Jim?” Leonard asked sweetly from his place on the floor and the blond flipped him the bird, biting into the neon green with a look of pure disgust. Scotty - who had insisted he got the sofa ‘to recover from the shock’ - waved his spoon at the screen wildly.  
“The one with the pointy ears reminds me of Spock, you know?” Leonard didn’t miss the sharp turn of Nyota’s head and he smiled slightly; she had it bad.  
“I’m yet to meet this Spock character,” he said and Scotty boomed with laughter.  
“Consider yourself lucky, laddie! The guy’s an anal retentive!”  
“Monty!” Nyota cried from the other side of the room and the Scotsman gave her a sheepish apology.  
“I find Meester Spock to be quite interesting to talk to,” Pavel supplied. “He taught me quite a lot of English vhen I moved here.”  
“Scotty is right, though,” Jim confessed, shrugging in Nyota’s direction. “The guy is a bit tight.”  
“He’s a genius,” Nyota said firmly. “In fact, he finished the new ride last night.”  
“And how do you know that, Ny?” Sulu smirked from his seat, his chocolate ice-cream now put to one side so his full concentration was on her. Every one else seemed to follow his lead and Leonard felt a pang of sympathy for the girl, who was now put very much on the spot.  
“Well, I ah... he um, I mean... there’s an announcement to be made soon and, as the ur, announcer, I kind of... well...” Her face now burned a very bright red and Leonard, now practically drowning in second-hand embarrasment, shot Jim a significant look. The blond seemed to catch on and yawned dramatically.  
“Man, I’m bushed! I’m sorry guys but I’m gonna have to ask you all to leave.” There were cries of protest from the men and Scotty even went as far to declare that he ‘will never love again’, but Jim was having none of it. He herded the three guys out of the house, although Nyota and Leonard lingered behind. When the three were out of eyesight she took her leave, but not before placing a light kiss on Jim’s cheek.  
“Thank you,” she whispered and headed out, leaving him to shut the door behind her. 

Leonard looked at Jim, who had a sated smile on his face.  
“Now that was called for,” he said softly and Jim chuckled.  
“Yeah well, mint choc is my penance. Besides, you were right; it was a dick move.”  
“Why did you do it?” Leonard asked curiously, following Jim to the front room where they both sat on the sofa (now indented with Scotty’s figure).  
“I dunno,” Jim mumbled, wiggling to try and find a comfortable position. “I just... did it.”  
“She didn’t do anything wrong,” Leonard continued, probing to try and find the reason. “I know you Jim, you don’t normally do things out of spite.”  
“I know, I know,” the blond sighed, lolling his head back. “I was just... provoked, I guess.”  
“By what?” Jim’s head rolled to the side and he locked eyes with Leonard, his face completely passive except for his eyes, which bore into the doctor’s skull and seemingly tore into his thoughts.  
“Do you really need to ask?” he whispered and Leonard’s throat went dry.  
“Jim...” he breathed and the blond huffed out a laugh, closing his eyes and shaking his head; the spell was yet again broken.  
“Forget it,” he sighed and suddenly Leo felt a flare of fire rise in his throat.  
“No,” he snapped and Jim’s eyes opened, his eyebrows high.  
“What?”  
“I said no. Dammit Jim, you always do this! Every time we have a connection or a moment or whatever you backpedal. I can’t figure you out!”  
“I don’t want you to figure me out!” Jim cried, his body now tense and coiled, like a jack-in-the-box ready to leap out at any second and punch the person who wound them up. “I don’t need you trying to learn who I am, I don’t need it!”  
“So what, everything we’ve build over the past couple of months, you’re gonna ignore it?” Leonard spat, his head swimming.  
“‘Couple of months’, Bones. We’re hardly best fucking friends, are we?!” 

The words fell out of Jim’s mouth in slow motion, burning like green poison. Leonard watched as they careened to the floor, where they shattered into a million shards that splintered and dug themselves into him, branding him. He fought back a scream and looked levelly at Jim.  
“I thought we were,” he said softly, his voice flat and devoid of any revealing emotion. Jim seemed at a loss for words, so Leonard spoke them for him. “I’ve never trusted easily, Jim. For me, trusting someone is letting them know you, letting them see who you really are and not being afraid to do so. Well, I was always afraid. I never trusted anyone since I lost my father. I didn’t trust Jocelyn, I didn’t even trust Gram, hell I didn’t even trust myself! I didn’t want anyone to know me that deeply again because I was scared I’d lose them. And then you come along with your dumb-ass grin and your half-full attitude and suddenly I wanted to open up to you, wanted to trust you. And I did. You know the truth about my dad and you don’t judge me for it. You know I was an alcoholic but since I’ve met you I hardly drink at all; in fact, I barely think about it these days! You’ve made me better and I thought... I guess I thought that it was a mutual thing. Sure seemed like it, up until now.”  
Throughout this monologue, Jim kept his eyes fixed firmly on Leonard, who stared up at the ceiling as though he expected God to appear at any moment and tell him what to do next, as he had no fucking clue what he was doing. When he finished speaking there was nothing but the pulse of Leonard’s blood and the almost harmonious sound of traffic in the background, providing the soundtrack to his shame. When Jim still didn’t reply, he chanced a look down. The ride conductor was knelt on the floor, his face buried in his hands and his shoulders were shaking. Leonard stared as Jim sobbed silently, his movements jerky and harsh. There was a low mumbling and at first Leonard thought it was the hum of the refrigerator but it only took him a moment to realise Jim was talking.  
“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry Bones. I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I don’t want to lose you, I’m sorry... I told you you could trust me and then I lied... I’m sorry.” Leonard watched him impassively before he too got to his knees and held Jim close to him, rocking him and letting him unload.

Damn, he could really use a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it may seem like Jim's being a bit strange, what with the admission and then the hissy fit but I figured he's a very emotional person and doesn't know how to handle the emotions he's currently experiencing... it will make sense later, I promise I'm not making him OOC.


	7. The Levee Breaks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILING ALERT/TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> There is a graphic description of gore in this scene (this is where the loss of limb tag comes in). You can skip this chapter if you want as it won't really effect the rest of the story, but it does effect later characterisation and I would only skip it if you deem it necessary.

Leonard knew something bad was going to happen long before it did. 

As he drove to work that morning, the doctor could not deny the chill that coiled round his spine, like a snake that licked at the base of his skull and hissed in his ear dark thoughts of worry. Autumn truly took over Atlanta, with the fiery leaves dangling from the crippled branches of the trees and fluttering in the minute breeze. Whilst it wasn’t cold by any stretch of the imagination, goosebumps pricked Leonard’s skin and he had to turn his heating up to try and combat the ice that ran through his veins. It wasn’t a new sensation either; since the argument he and Jim had had the previous week he couldn’t ignore the dread that clung onto him like a second skin, that branded him whenever he looked in the coaster attendant’s direction.  
Shaking his head, Leonard pulled into Starfleet’s parking lot and parked his car in his designated spot. Looking round, he noticed that the park seemed somewhat empty, with only the occasional employee vehicle littering the place. When he walked up to the staff entrance he noticed Uhura fluttering about excitedly. Leonard paused to observe her clothing; she was dressed casually, rather than in the neat red dress provided for work. He approached her with an easy smile.  
“Hey Nyota,” he greeted and she turned to beam at him, practically hopping from foot to foot in an uncharacteristic display of enthusiasm.  
“Leonard, hi!” she lilted and he raised an amused eyebrow.  
“You seem happy this morning. Has it got anything to do with why the park’s empty?” She nodded enthusiastically.  
“Mr Pike shut the park down today for testing.” Leonard’s brow puckered.  
“And that means...?”  
“It’s Spock. Today’s the day he’s testing the new ride for real so Mr Pike has shut down the entire park for all over routine checks. It gives Spock an excuse to sort out the ride before its official opening next week.” Leonard hid a smile; that’s why she was so excited, her boyfriend (because it was painfully obvious that he was) had finished his project and no doubt could focus on her.  
“That’s brilliant, Ny,” he said sincerely. “What’s the new ride called?”  
“It’s called...” She paused for dramatic effect and Leonard couldn’t fight back an eye roll. “The Kobayashi Maru.” 

Leonard walked up to his office with his arms wrapped possessively round himself. Underneath his feet the leaves crunched like abandoned chip packets. He rubbed his arms and looked up; leaning against the door of the medical bay was Jim, who was tapping his foot impatiently.  
“Jim,” he called and the attendant’s head snapped up. When he realised who was speaking a grin spread across his face and he waved the doctor over.  
“Bones, did you hear the news?!” he cried and he nodded, his mouth quirking upwards.  
“Yes Jim, I’ve heard. The Kobayashi Maru’s finished for testing, isn’t it?”  
“Yep! And did you hear the other piece of news?” Leonard shook his head and Jim clapped his hands elatedly. “I’m going to be the first person to ride it!”  
Leonard felt his Adam’s apple jerk in his throat as he fought back the lump of bile that made its home in his wind pipe.  
“Y-you’re... you mean you’re-”  
“I’m going to be the first living test subject, yeah!” Jim deflated slightly when he noticed the wavering expression on his friend’s face. “You don’t look too pleased to hear that.”  
“How do you know it’s safe?” Leonard held his elbows and bit his lip, trying not to antagonise Jim; since the attendant’s admission of his feelings their relationship had been rather tentative, with the ever-present fear of saying the wrong thing looming over their heads like a rain cloud. Jim seemed to be thinking the very same thing, as he ducked his head.  
“Spock’s a very efficient designer,” he replied carefully. “He designed the Enterprise and she’s rarely ever malfunctioned.”  
“But she has malfunctioned before, hasn’t she?” Leonard pushed and Jim heaved a frustrated sigh.  
“Okay yes, once or twice but that’s beside the point! Look, Bones,” he said, walking forward to place a hand on the doctor’s shoulder. “I know you’re worried about me and I understand how scared you are of roller coasters but you’ve got to trust Spock. He knows what he’s doing.”  
“I’ve never met the man, Jim! How can I trust him with your life?” Leonard exploded and Jim bit the inside of his cheek as he tried to think of a response.  
“Fair enough,” he uttered deliberately. “Then you’ve got to trust me. Can you do that?” They stared at one another, Jim’s eyes heavy with an emotion that Leonard couldn’t begin to comprehend. Finally he inclined his head, closing his eyes.  
“Yes.”

“Fuck me backwards,” Leonard breathed as he stared up at the mechanic monstrosity that was the Kobayashi Maru. It was a mess of arches and loops that made his stomach knot. “What the hell is that thing?”  
“That is the Kobayashi Maru,” a clipped, formal voice articulated from behind him. Leonard turned to see a tall man with a tidy haircut and slightly pointed ears assessing him impassively. His eyebrow was raised, an action that Leonard had all but perfected and begrudgingly respected.  
“I know that,” he replied tartly. “What I mean is, what kind of coaster is it?”  
“It’s a fourth dimension roller coaster, composed of steel. The riders are rotated independently of the track’s orientation, in this case around a horizontal axis that is perpendicular to the track’s motion. Its design is that it confuses the rider, with music playing in speakers in the head rest to stimulate the auditory sense, mist being sprayed on the skin to alert the touch sense and so on and so forth.”  
“So basically you’re simulating schizophrenia?” Leonard asked dryly and the man’s angular eyebrow quirked upwards once again.  
“I believe it is more to engage the rider and provide them with a more... titillating experience, if you will.” Leonard eyed the man before reaching a conclusion.  
“I assume you’re Spock?” The man bowed his head gracefully.  
“Indeed. And from what Miss Uhura tells me you are Doctor McCoy?”  
“Yes,” he replied and Spock hummed. Leonard couldn’t help but wonder what the hell that meant.

Before anything more could be said, Jim bounded up to them, a bundle of energy that dissipated the tension.  
“Ready to get this show on the road?” he asked.  
“Are you asking me if I want to put the roller coaster in motion?” Spock enquired and Jim rolled his eyes.  
“Yeah, that.”  
“Then yes, I am. Follow me.” With that, Spock glided over to the docking bay, followed by an entourage comprised of Jim, Leonard, Nyota, Chekov, Sulu and Scotty, who had an iPad in hand and was no doubt livestreaming to Mr Pike. Nyota held back so that she could whisper in Leonard’s ear.  
“You look tense. I wouldn’t worry about it; Spock would never let anything bad happen.”  
“You’re the second person to tell me that,” he murmured back. “And I still don’t believe it.” Nyota looked ready to reply when Jim clambered into the train, front row seat as expected. With indication from Spock, Chekov quickly strapped Jim in and skipped over to the control panel, where the pointy eared bastard was standing, looking in Leonard’s direction with that cocky expression that he was already coming to loathe.  
“I am about to activate the ride. Is there anything you would like to say, Mr Kirk?” he asked. Jim grinned at the crowd.  
“Yeah; if I don’t make it, find me a wife and tell her I love her!” A ripple of laughter went through the group, with the exception of Leonard, who sucked on his cheek.  
“Very good,” Spock deadpanned. “Now, if everyone would like to go outside to the observation deck we can begin.” 

The autumn sun beat down, heating up the cold sweat that had begun to form on Leonard’s back. He was at the front of the crowd, nearest to the docking station but furthest from the actual coaster. He barely processed the emergency crew that gathered behind them; he hadn’t even known they would be there. Scotty was to his left and Nyota was to his right; both seemed fit to burst. Leonard just felt the overwhelming need to vomit. Then, around them the voice over began to echo.

There is no escape... you will never win. You are one with the Kobayashi Maru.  
3...2...1...GO!

Suddenly the train that seated Jim shot out of the docking station. Jim’s jubilant scream echoed through the park as he roared over the first loop. From next to Leonard, Scotty began to whoop and cheer enthusiastically. Leonard’s eyes were fixed on the train, second hand vertigo stabbing his gut. Jim’s train cascaded down an arch and Leonard whimpered, an action that he would later wholeheartedly deny. It seemed that everything was going smoothly and, as Nyota squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, Leonard allowed himself to react slightly. 

But then there was a clang, a screech and silence.

Leonard’s eyes homed in on the train just in time to see it get stuck on the third loop. He froze in horror as Jim remained suspended upside down. He was shouting something but no one seemed able to make it out.  
“Is he okay?” Leonard croaked. Scotty bit his lip but managed to force out a laugh.  
“He’s just on a loop, it’s no problem. He’ll be fine.” The emergency team was already heading over there when the world suddenly turned slow motion. One minute, Jim was in his seat and the next he was tumbling down to the track below. 

Leonard watched in terror as Jim plummeted to the base of the loop, his left leg slotting into the bars and lodging itself there. The rest of his body was hanging off the track, his body drooping and swinging like a pendulum over the side. Leonard could hear someone mumbling “ohmygodohmygodohmygod” repeatedly and all he wanted was for them to shut up. It was only a second later he realised it was him. There was another shriek and suddenly the now empty train surged forward. Nyota screamed as the train completed the loop and zoomed past Jim, blocking him from view. When the blur was gone Jim was now firmly planted on the ground, his leg still wedged in the track. 

Nyota screamed, Scotty swore, Chekov vomited, Sulu ran to help the emergency team. Leonard wasn’t sure what happened next for it was at that point he passed out, the image of Jim tumbling to his death flashing behind his lids.


	8. You Rise and You Fall

His limbs flailed like a ragdoll as he fell down to Earth. For a moment he hovered in the air, held up by an invisible string that only a second later would be cut. He almost defied gravity and his beauty in the face of death was a blissful rapture. And then he hit the floor and all that was left was his leg, frayed and dripping liquid drops of ruby, so rare and precious, the very essence of Jim.

Jim...

Leonard’s eyes snapped open as a short Hispanic nurse stood before him, her face locked in that professional look of concern that he had come to master; it provided no comfort.  
“Sir, do you need a doctor?” she asked, taking in the tiny cut on his forehead from where he’d collapsed.  
“I don’t need a doctor, dammit. I am a doctor,” he snapped and her mouth down-turned slightly, obviously wounded from the minor attack. She trotted away and from the corner where she stood with Spock, Nyota gave him a pitying look. Well, fuck her and her pity; she’d lied to him. She said Jim would be safe. They all said Jim would be safe...

____________

When Leonard regained consciousness he found himself surrounded by what seemed to be every member of Atlanta hospital’s emergency unit. Peppy young medics were flitting about, handing out shock blankets like candy and offering not-so comforting words of encouragement. Leonard sat up blearily and noticed he was sat in the back of an ambulance. A young man who reminded him of Chekov was smiling tenderly at him.  
“Are you okay, sir?”  
“Where’s Jim?” he mumbled and the kid frowned.  
“Sir, you hit your head pretty hard-”  
“The guy who lost his leg. The one who fell off the damned coaster! Jim! Where is he?!” Leonard was now on his feet, shock blanket on the floor and his eyes hazing over with red.  
“Sir please, calm down.”  
“Doctor McCoy.” Leonard’s head whipped round to see Spock standing just behind him, his face still so fucking calm, how could he be so fucking calm?!  
“You,” he whispered, approaching the pointy eared bastard with increasing speed. “YOU!” He jumped on him then, hammering into the engineer’s face with blind fury. Spock went with the motions, taking each punch easily until Scotty and Sulu yanked Leonard off. Scotty pinned the doctor’s arms to his sides with surprising strength.  
“Doctah, doctah! You need to calm down! Jim’s on his way to hospital, it’s gonna be fine!”  
“Don’t tell me it’s going to be fine!” Leonard cried, the tears now falling freely and easily. “Everyone told me it would be fine and now Jim’s going to die... it’s not fine, it’s not fine...” Scotty held him as Leonard broke down in his arms.

___________

“Doctor McCoy?” Leonard’s looked up at the doctor stood before him, looking pristine in his medical scrubs and overcoat. His name tag read ‘Doctor Aaron Tamworth’.  
“How’s Jim?” Leonard demanded and the group surged forward, their faces heavy with worry.  
“There’s good news and bad news,” Doctor Tamworth explained. “The bad news is that there is no way we can salvage Jim’s leg. He’s going to have to have a prosthetic attached. He’s also got five broken ribs, a dislocated arm and severe blunt force trauma to the head. If I’m honest with you, it’s a miracle he survived.”  
“What’s the good news?” Leonard asked and the Doctor smiled.  
“Despite the severity of his injuries, Jim is doing remarkably well. We have him in a medically induced coma at the moment so that we can operate but judging by how well he’s reacting to treatment he’ll be safe to wake up in about three days. Furthermore, the tear in his leg was relatively clean; his knee joint is still in tact so the application of a prosthetic will be quite simple. Your friend’s very resilient.” Everyone’s eyes fell onto Leonard to gauge his reaction and act accordingly; when he gave a satisfied nod everyone heaved a collective sigh of relief.  
“When can we see him?” Nyota enquired and Doctor Tamworth gave her a gentle smile.  
“When he wakes up, so in three days.”  
“Can I stay with him?” Leonard blurted and Doctor Tamworth frowned dubiously.  
“Are you related to him in any way?”  
“Well, not exa-”  
“Zat’s his boyfriend,” Chekov piped up and all eyes fell on him. Immediately the kid flushed and began to trip over his words. “I-I mean, zey are-”  
“No, he’s right,” Leonard interjected, grateful for the suggestion. “We are involved.” Scotty nudged Sulu but he was waved off, his actions fitting to neither the time nor the place.  
“Very well. With that in mind, I can arrange for a cot to be put in Jim’s room. You can stay with him but no one else can.”  
“Thank you Doctor Tamworth,” Leonard said sincerely, a second away from hugging him. The man nodded graciously and walked off down the corridor, leaving Leonard to face the group.

“I’ll let y’all know if anything changes,” he informed them and there were appreciative murmurs throughout. Spock coughed and Leonard’s eyes fell on him.  
“Doctor McCoy, I just want it to be known that the malfunction was a very rare abnormality. The likelihood of such an incident was at 1.65%. It could not have been anticipated and I would like to apologise for any distress caused.” Leonard remained silent, but nodded his head in acknowledgement. Suddenly, Nyota let out a little sob and buried her face in Leonard’s shoulder.  
“God, I just hope he’s okay!” she whimpered and the doctor patted her back comfortingly.  
“So do I, Ny,” he whispered, tears welling up in his own eyes. “So do I.”

~***~

Jim woke up two days later, one whole day before anyone expected it. Leonard was curled up on his cot, reading a thesis on the development of prosthetics since medieval times when he heard a groan from the bed. He looked up and Jim was blinking awake, his brow furrowed. Leonard threw the paper to one side and rushed to Jim’s side, emotion pulsing through his veins as he looked into the vibrant blue for the first time in what seemed like forever.  
“Jim,” he whispered and the coaster attendant’s eyes focused on him, confusion evident.  
“Bones?” he slurred and Leonard nodded, his hand encasing Jim’s.  
“That’s right Jim, it’s me.” Jim looked round, taking in the steady bleep of the EKG and the many bunches of flowers that filled the room.  
“Where’m I?”  
“You’re in the hospital Jim. Do you remember anything that happened?” Jim frowned.  
“I was on the Kobayashi Maru... fell...” He trailed off as his eyes glazed and for a moment Leonard thought he was going to sleep again when he raised a shaky hand and pointed ahead of him. “Jojo.” Leonard frowned and looked to where he was pointing; in the corner of the room was a garnet red balloon, exactly like the one he’d bought Jo. Leo smiled.  
“Yeah. I told her you were ill and she made me bring you one from her. I forgot about it.” Jim’s mouth contorted into what was probably intended to be a smile.  
“How long have I been sleeping?”  
“Three days. Not long, Jim. The doctor’s very impressed by how rapidly you healed.” Jim grinned and went to move when he released an anguished cry.  
“My leg! Ow, Bones! It hurts!” Realisation struck him and his face drained of all colour. “My leg’s gone, Bones! WHERE’D IT GO?!” Just then, the nurses bundled in and herded Leonard out the room. As he moved down the corridor he could hear Jim screaming his name.

~***~

Two days later, Jim’s room was packed with the crew of Starfleet. Nyota and Spock were at the end of Jim’s bed conversing easily. Leonard was pushed up against the wall, stroking Jim’s sweaty brow leisurely. Chekov was squatting on the other side of the bed, chatting excitedly to Jim about everything but the incident. Scotty was perched on the end of Jim’s bed, devouring one of the many boxes of chocolates meant for him.  
“So Jim,” the Scotsman began around a mouthful of hazelnut. “If you were one of the seven dwarves would you be called ‘Stumpy’?”  
“Scotty!” Nyota cried in horror and Leonard was ready to herd him out when Jim broke out into a fit of laughter.  
“And you’d be called ‘Chubby’, am I right?” Scotty snickered and chucked a dark chocolate bon-bon at him. Leonard shook his head and Jim squeezed his hand.  
“Hey,” he whispered, a reassuring smile on his face. “It’s okay.” Leonard sighed when Sulu entered, accompanied by a nurse.  
“Okay everyone, I’m afraid visiting time is over," she said apologetically. “You can all come in two days, after Jim’s had his operation.”  
“Bye guys!” Jim beamed as everyone lined up to say their goodbyes. “I’ll see you later, when I’m a cyborg!” He continued to smile right up until Chekov exited and it was just he and Leonard. Then, with an exhausted moan, he fell back into his pillow.

“That was exhausting!” he wailed and Leonard rubbed his shoulder softly.  
“They don’t have to come if you don’t want them to,” he said.  
“I know, but I like having them here. It makes me feel... I dunno, normal, I guess.”  
“You are normal, Jim,” Leonard protested but Jim shook his head.  
“I’m not, Bones. I can delude myself into thinking that everything is gonna go back to the way it was before but it won’t. There’s so much I won’t be able to do with a fake leg. And I have to accept that. You have to accept that,” he added, looking at Leonard warily. The doctor frowned.  
“Me?” Jim sighed and took his hand, lacing their fingers together.  
“You know I care about you, right?” Even to Leonard, the true meaning behind that statement was evident.  
“Yeah,” he said slowly, rubbing his thumb along Jim’s knuckles. “I know. I care about you, too.”  
“Then I can’t do this without you... with my leg outta action I well and truly need my Bones.” Leonard swallowed and pressed his forehead lightly against Jim’s, so as not to apply too much pressure but enough that Jim felt him there.  
“I tried to help you, Jim. But I just saw blood and oh God, I couldn’t think straight! I tried to help you but it wasn’t enough, I doubt it will ever be enough!”  
“Hey,” Jim soothed, running the hand of his good arm down Leonard’s face and cupping it so he was looking up. His face became serious, adapting to the atmosphere. “I wanted to die, you know? Just curl up in a ball and let myself go. When I was in that coma, I was so close to it, too. But somewhere in the dark I heard your voice and I knew I had to find my way back... I had to. You’ve been here the whole time. I just need you.”  
“I can only give you myself,” Leonard whispered. “I can’t give you anything more.”  
“I don’t need anything more.” Jim looked ready to say something more when he yawned, interrupting himself. “I’m real sorry Bones, but I think I need to sleep.” Leonard nodded and ran a hand through Jim’s hair.  
“Of course, darlin’. You sleep.” As Jim closed his eyes, Leonard held onto his hand, content in the knowledge that now he knew Jim had motivation to wake up.


	9. We Work as One

The surgery in question only took two hours. The process of his leg healing took a lot longer. Four weeks after Jim’s leg was treated and the swelling had gone down, a mold of the residual limb was taken with plaster.   
“Why are you taking a mold?” Jim asked curiously, peering down to watch the prosthetist spread the white mush on his stump.   
“It’s so we can use it to test out the prosthetic when we’re developing it,” the woman explained patiently, smiling enthusiastically. Leonard sat to the side, watching with just as much morbid fascination as Jim. He felt a little thrown to see the nub and his stomach curled slightly, but Jim looked positively intrigued.  
“I’m really gonna have a new leg, aren’t I?” he breathed and Leonard nodded.  
“That’s right darlin’, brand spanking new.”   
“Wow,” he whispered and Leonard smiled slightly; it was kind of adorable, although he wouldn’t care to admit it. When the lady left Jim prodded his stump, wincing slightly as he did so. “It’s still kinda tender.”  
“Your leg was ripped off Jim, it’s bound to be sore.” Jim raised an eyebrow and Leonard bit his lip. “Sorry.”  
“Nah, it’s okay,” Jim said lightly. “I need someone to be blunt with me. At this point, I can’t be dealing with any sympathy.”  
“I think you’re entitled to some,” Leonard smiled but Jim shook his head furiously.  
“No, Bones. I don’t want any! I don’t have a leg, big deal. So much worse could have happened to me; I could have died! And it was no one’s fault, so I hardly have any right to claim sympathy!” Leonard’s eyes flittered to the EKG, which had now gone up slightly as Jim became more frustrated.  
“Okay, I understand,” Leonard said calmly, rubbing Jim’s arm in frequent motions. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you riled up.” Jim put his hand on Leonard’s and applied light pressure to it before sinking down into his pillow, yawning. 

Before the prosthesis was attached, Leonard found himself in the hospital gym, watching Jim stare flabbergasted as the physical therapist - a sunny young lady who insisted they call her ‘Missy’ - went about setting up various pieces of equipment.   
“These look like medieval instruments of torture,” Jim whispered in Leonard’s ear and in truth, he couldn’t disagree. Missy then turned and approached Jim, her mouth spread in a jaw breaking grin.  
“Now Jim, before we start I need to monitor the residual limb and the incision, is that okay?” she asked, her voice sounding a lot like what candyfloss tasted like.   
“Sure,” he said dismissively and she lightly touched the limb, tenderly circling the incision and pressing occasionally to gauge Jim’s reaction. Leonard could do little more than watch, enraptured by the procedure; he had dealt with amputees once or twice before but, as it wasn’t his specialty, he’d never really engaged in the whole aftercare process. It was intriguing to both him and to Jim.  
“What are you doing?” the coaster attendant asked, enthralled.   
“I’m checking on the shaping,” she explained, similar to how a teacher does a student.   
“Shaping?” Leonard enquired and Missy turned her violet eyes to him.   
“Residual limbs need to be shaped after surgery so that the prosthesis fits properly and it heals appropriately. They usually apply an elastic bandage or a shrinker to the limb but sometimes it can be applied incorrectly and can cause circulation problems, misshapen limbs, pressure sores, things like that. Don’t worry though,” she said, turning to grin brightly at Jim. “Yours is absolutely perfect!”  
“Good to know I have an attractive stump,” Jim replied, equally as enthusiastic, and Leonard couldn’t help a fond eye roll. Missy giggled and began to massage the residual limb, kneading it like soft dough. Jim grunted in response.  
“Ow, it’s still sore,” he hissed through clenched teeth and Leonard gave his hand a supportive squeeze.  
“I know,” Missy said sympathetically, her eyes wide and sincere. “But massaging the limb helps toughen it up and makes them less sensitive. Anyway, I’m done now.” She pulled back and quickly wrote something down in a notepad, before tearing the page out and handing it to Leonard. “This is a list of all the different exercises Jim has to do in order to keep his residual limb healthy. This list includes some simple exercises that will strengthen and stabilize the limb. He must do these every day as well as coming in for an hour every two days so that I can do some neuromuscular reeducation. Okay?” Leonard nodded as he helped Jim into his wheelchair. 

An hour later was visiting time and already Jim was tired.   
“Bones, can I not have any visitors today?” he moaned, burying his face in his pillow. Normally, Leonard would comply, but today he simply chuckled.  
“You’ve got a surprise coming today, so no,” he replied and Jim’s face emerged from the feathery depths.  
“What’s that?” he asked curiously, but Leonard shook his head.  
“I ain’t telling you darlin’. You should be finding out in, ooh about two seconds.”  
“What, I-” Suddenly Jim yelped as the door crashed open and Joanna exploded into the room, followed by a slightly less bouncy Alana.   
“JIMMY!” she cried, flocking to his side and wrapping her podgy arms round his neck.  
“Oof! J-Jojo!” he stammered, quickly accommodating to her boa constrictor crush and enveloping her back. “What are you doing here?”  
“When I found out you were sick I asked mommy if I can come down and see you; I told her that daddy’s boyfriend was icky and needed my help!”   
“Daddy’s boyfriend?” Jim enquired cheekily, looking at a now crimson Leonard. Joanna nodded sagely.  
“Yep! I know you’re his boyfriend because daddy didn’t smile much when he was with mommy, but every time you look at him he is! And I know you love him ‘cause you smile back.” By now Jim’s own face was turning a brilliant hot pink and Leonard dared a glance at Alana; she just watched the scene unfold placidly, a bowl of cobbler in her hands. He was readying himself to address what Joanna just said, but already his daughter was on to a more interesting topic. “What happened to your leg, Jimmy?” Quickly recovering himself, Jim pulled his sheets back to reveal his residual limb. Joanna cried out in amazement and pressed her face up close to it, her eyes wide and intrigued. “Can I touch it?” she asked breathlessly and Leonard shot her an admonishing look.  
“Joanna Lurleen, you don’t-”  
“It’s alright, Bones,” Jim interjected, smiling complacently. “You go right ahead, Jojo.” Enraptured, Joanna lightly began to stroke it, her finger moving through the ridges and over the scar tissue like she could hardly believe it.  
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed and Leonard found himself meeting Jim’s eyes. His heart stopped for a moment at the overwhelming look of sheer affection in Jim’s eyes and oh God, it only just occurred to him; in that moment, Leonard knew that he really was in love with Jim Kirk. 

About thirty minutes in, Joanna had to go to the bathroom.  
“Daddy, I’m gonna burst!” she whined, hopping from one foot to the other.   
“You go take her, Leonard,” Alana commanded, gesturing to the door. “Jim and I are fine right here.” Uncertainly, Leonard left the room, wondering what him Gram was up to. 

________

“I saw that,” Alana said when the door was closed. Jim frowned and cocked his head.  
“Saw what, ma’am?” he enquired and the elder wagged her finger.  
“It’s Alana, remember? And I saw that little exchange y’all shared. Don’t think I’m stupid.” Jim’s eyes widened at the knowing smirk Alana wore and wracked his brains to come up with an excuse.  
“Alana ma’am, I don’t know wh-”  
“It’s alright, Jim. I don’t mind.” Jim must have looked extremely surprised by the admission for Alana cackled heartily. “I’m not so old that I can’t move with the times, boy! And besides, I always had an inkling that my Leonard was battin’ for both teams, so to speak. Don’t mean I love him any less.” Jim listened in earnest, his respect for Grandma McCoy swelling. She met his gaze intently. “Now Jim, I’m gonna ask you somethin’ and I want a straight answer; do you love my Leonard?”   
“Yes,” Jim replied hoarsely, without a hint of trepidation. “That’s the only thing I’m 100% certain of any more.” Alana nodded wisely.  
“Good. And Joanna was right when she said he loved you back. You are aware of that, right?”  
“We’ve briefly touched upon it,” Jim said slowly before shifting himself into a more upright position. “But Alana, I’m confused. I thought that you’d be-”  
“What, angry?” Uncertainly, Jim nodded. Alana sighed, the corners of her eyes crinkling slightly. She reached forward and took his hand. “‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails’. That’s the Bible’s definition of love. In all this time, you have never failed Leonard. You have trusted him, you haven’t asked anything of him. You haven’t done anything to make me or him doubt you; he is a better man since meeting you. What you and my boy have, whether or not either of you realise it completely yet, is perfect love. The Lord don’t give that away willy-nilly, so I figure your genitalia ain’t gonna dictate that. You understand me?” His eyes burning, Jim nodded. Alana smiled gently and leaned forward to place a tender kiss on his cheek. “You’re part of my family now. Now, suck it up and eat your cobbler.” Jim laughed and saluted.  
“Yes ma’am!”  
_________

It took a lot longer than anticipated for Leonard to find the bathroom, mainly because Joanna kept getting distracted by the various posters on the walls. When they eventually made it to a cubicle, Leonard waited outside the door, dwelling on what his daughter had said to Jim; if she could pick up on whatever it was he and Jim had, then maybe it would be best to just out and out confess it? She didn’t seem to mind at all... When Joanna stepped out the bathroom he stooped down and scooped her into his arms, kissing her on the top of her head.  
“Baby girl, did you mean what you said upstairs? Do you really think Jimmy’s my boyfriend?” he asked and she nodded enthusiastically.  
“Uh-huh! I’m real happy ‘bout it, too! Now I have a new friend!”  
“Do you like Jimmy?” Leonard asked, already anticipating the answer.  
“Sure do! He’s real nice and he makes you happy too!” Leonard smiled and placed another kiss to her cheek.   
“He sure does, baby. He sure does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bible verse Alana quoted was from 1 Corinthians:13.


	10. We Walk

Jim looked down at his prosthetic with a look of unimaginable pride. He flexed the residual limb and laughed delightedly as the metal limb attached jolted with it.

“Did’ya see that Bones?!” he cried and Leonard nodded indulgently, smiling up from the scarf he was knitting (because dammit, real men knit!). It was a week after Joanna and Alana had visited and it seemed that the visit was all they needed to reach a comfortable footing; whilst they weren’t kissing or really indulging in the more carnal aspects of a relationship their dependency was evident and, more surprisingly, welcome.   
“Don’t you miss your real leg?” Leonard asked curiously and Jim paused to think this over before shaking his head.  
“Nope. I like this one; it makes me feel like Robocop!”  
“Jim, I’m serious,” Leonard grumbled and Jim looked at him levelly.  
“So am I, Bones. I mean it, I’m glad that this has happened. It’s kind of... I don’t know, put things in perspective.” Leonard cocked his head.  
“How do you mean?” he asked, putting the knitting to one side. He went to the end of Jim’s bed and folded his arms round his knees.   
“Well, I wanna see the world,” Jim said simply. “I wanna walk the Great Wall of China, meet you in the middle and bungee off the side. I wanna dance at Mardi Gras and throw beads. I wanna punt down the Thames and have a British tea party. I wanna walk down the aisle and I sure as hell ain’t gonna let a metal leg stop me.” Throughout this speech his arms began to move more enthusiastically as he became more and more sincere. Leonard could feel the pride swell up in his stomach as he listened to Jim talk and, when the coaster attendant had finished, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on the end of his nose. Jim’s eyes widened but Leonard had already gone back to his knitting.  
“Okay, Jim,” he said without looking up. “I believe you.”

Leonard stood in front of the glass doors, tapping his foot anxiously as he waited for Jim to emerge from his room. This was the day that they were finally leaving and, whilst Leonard just wanted to dote on Jim and look after him, the coaster attendant had been pretty firm in that he wanted to walk out the doors by himself. Finally, the door to his room opened and Jim hobbled out, wearing Leonard’s scarf and looking for the life of him like Bambi with... well, a metal leg and a rather untidy scarf. He smiled up at Leonard, his face light with the kind of childish accomplishment that the doctor saw in Joanna whenever she got dressed by herself or did something equally as amazing. Because that’s what Jim’s recovery was; amazing. It normally took amputees a long time to come to terms with their loss and learn to adapt, but Jim took to the development remarkably well; some days, Leonard almost forgot the times when Jim didn’t have the prosthetic. Missy and Doctor Tamworth were waiting by the door to wave Jim off. Missy enveloped Jim in a hug, her eyes wet from unshed tears. Even Doctor Tamworth - “I think it’s safe for you to call me Aaron, now,” he smiled at Jim - looked about ready to burst into waterworks at any second. However, they both held on and a second later they stood next to Leonard as they watched Jim walk into the carpark, taking a deep breath of fresh air and throwing his arms open to embrace the sunshine. Leonard’s cheek suddenly felt damp and Missy silently handed him a tissue as they all took in the scene, a revelation for all.

Jim practically skipped into his apartment, immediately rushing to the kitchen and whooping with joy. Before Jim had been released, Leonard had rung Nyota to ask her to buy some groceries. Scotty had also been round to make the apartment more accessible, although not so many changes were made that it would upset Jim or make him feel incapable in any way.  
“Oh man, there’s cookie dough ice-cream!” Jim squawked, a spoon already in hand as he attacked the tub.  
“Slow down, you don’t want indigestion,” Leonard chuckle when Jim turned to beam at him.  
“Bones, this is awesome! This is so great, I ca-” He stopped and frowned, staring at a point just behind Leonard. The doctor blinked and looked behind him. Jim put the spoon down and joined his side, his face frozen in that look of bemusement. Hanging on the wall was a picture of Jim standing in front of the Enterprise, his arm wrapped round Christopher Pike and his face alight with pure joy. The ribbon behind them and the scissors in Chris’s left hand told Leonard that it was the ride’s opening. Jim reached up and put a hand to the frame, his finger grazing his miniature’s leg.   
“Jim...” Leonard breathed when Jim shook his head.  
“I’m not going to be able to work there again, am I?” he whispered.  
“I’m not sure,” the doctor replied honestly. “I mean, if you rang Chris I’m sure he’d-”  
“No,” Jim interrupted, shaking his head. “I don’t think I can go back there anyway. I don’t think I could... I mean...” His shoulders began to shake and Leonard quickly scooped the blond into a hug as the tears began to fall. “Oh my God Bones, the Enterprise... all my friends-”  
“They haven’t left you, Jim. You said so yourself, this isn’t gonna hold you back,” Leonard soothed, rubbing his hands along Jim’s back.  
“It’s not fair,” Jim sobbed, hammering limply at Leonard’s shoulder. “It’s not fair...” 

And Leonard couldn’t help but agree. 

After Jim’s breakdown the previous day, Leonard found himself staying over at Jim’s apartment after work every day to make sure he was okay. He found that there were up days and bad days, where Jim would either be ridiculously optimistic or he would be staring up at the ceiling, bemoaning his life and asking what the point in everything was. Leonard had expected nothing less; the trauma wasn’t going to leave him any time soon. The hospital had already assigned Jim to a psychiatrist, Doctor Patel, and he was still seeing Missy regularly but Leonard couldn’t help thinking it wasn’t working.  
“He just seems so... lost, Gram,” he complained one night when Jim had kicked him out. Alana listened sympathetically, a cup of coffee in her hand.   
“I understand, my boy,” she cooed. “It will be hard for you to see but it’s even harder for Jim. And I’m certain he’s making progress... it’s just hard to see sometimes, I think.”   
“I sure hope you’re right Gram,” Leonard sighed, looking out the window into the darkness with a resigned shake of his head. 

“Bones, can I come stay at your house?” 

Leonard stared down at the receiver confusedly, his mind swimming slightly. He had rung Jim in his break and they’d been having a very pleasant conversation when all of a sudden Jim threw this bomb at him.  
“Urm... what was that?” he asked, scratching his ear as he stalled.  
“Can I come stay with you. Just for a while. I don’t like being here all by myself and I want to see Alana more and I’m just so lonely. Please Bones, please?” Leonard ran a hand down his mouth and sighed. To be honest, he wasn’t scared of the suggestion; rather, he was surprised it had taken Jim so long to ask. With a resigned smile, he nodded until he remembered Jim wasn’t there to see it.  
“I’ll have to ask Gram but I’m sure that can be arranged.”   
“Oh thank you Bones! I love you!” Leonard stopped as the other end went silent, both of them taking a moment to process what Jim had just said. It seemed that the doctor’s silence shook him for a second later he was stammering an apology. “I-I mean... did I... no, look, I mean, it’s-”  
“It’s fine, Jim,” Leonard interrupted, his hands in his hair.  
“It is?”   
“Sure it is. After all, I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so short; the others will be longer, I promise!


	11. My Heart Revolves Around You, Makes Sense to Add the World

“Bones, I wanna run a marathon.”

Leonard stopped in his conversation with Alana and looked up at Jim, frowning as he grinned at them from his chair in the corner of the parlour.  
“Ur, what do you mean?” Leonard asked uncertainly, his eyes flickering to Alana quickly. Her mouth was pursed in a straight line and she shook her head minutely, silently letting Leonard know that this was his problem.  
“I wanna run a marathon. I think I’m at the point where I can do it,” Jim said enthusiastically.  
“Jim, I’m not sure if-”  
“I spoke to Missy and she said it would be fine, good for me even! Aaron agreed with her too! All I need is your consent.”  
“I’m not your carer, Jim,” Leonard frowned and Alana jabbed him with a bony finger. “Ow!”  
“Be supportive!” Alana hissed, looking at Jim kindly, who shot her an appreciative look. Leonard rubbed his now most likely bruised ribs and turned his focus back to Jim.  
“Why do you need my consent?” he asked slowly. Jim rubbed the back of his neck and hang on, was he _blushing? ___  
“Well... I’m gonna need help training and everything. Not to mention that I don’t want to do anything you’d be uncomfortable with.” Leonard bit his lip as he mulled this over; he didn’t want Jim to exert himself. He was still more fragile than he cared to admit, and overdoing it would be detrimental to his progress. But Jim was looking at him with the moon in his eyes, and the trust he had in him tugged his heartstrings and dammit, how could he say no?  
“Okay, sure,” Leonard sighed and Jim whooped, leaping up from his seat to run and envelope Leonard in a bone-crunching hug whilst Alana laughed delightedly.  
“I love you,” Jim whispered in his ear and Leonard buried his face in the crook of Jim’s neck.  
“I know, ya big dolt. I love you too.”

The marathon in question was the annual Atlanta Marathon that was being held in October; one month away. When Leonard informed the crew on Jim’s decision, they were more than enthusiastic to participate.  
“We’ll train with you!” Nyota cried when they all came to the McCoy farmhouse for tea that night.  
“It would be logical for you to train with a large group,” Spock conceded, looking over the rim of the floral teacup Alana had handed him. “It will increase your motivation and optimism.”  
“Can we all come back here and eat Ms. McCoy’s beautiful cobbler after?” Scotty piped up, earning himself a simpering smile from Alana.  
“You guys would do that for me?” Jim asked softly, smiling at his friends with such sincerity it warmed the cockles of Leonard’s heart.  
“Of course, Captain,” Sulu replied.  
“Ve vould be honoured,” Chekov added. “If ve could cheer you on ven you do zee race.”  
“Thank you all for everything,” Jim said, his voice cracking on the last syllable. Leonard planted a gentle kiss to Jim’s temple and Scotty and Alana nudged each other, snickering round their spoons. 

The training was intense; when Jim wasn’t at the hospital doing his physio he was in the streets with Leonard, huffing along and getting stronger with each passing day. Eventually Leonard was slower than Jim, who was a speck in the distance by the time he built enough stamina to carry on. When the group all trained together half the time he and Scotty would bunk off and go to the pub, chugging down water and slipping out the back in time to return to the group without anyone noticing. The support Jim received from everyone was amazing; even Spock was joining in, whether or not through guilt or from genuine interest in Jim’s cause being unimportant; he well and truly was a member of the group, a fact that Leo had come to accept. Leonard couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride when he came home and found Jim in the kitchen, sweaty and breathless having just come back from a run. The prosthetic had become a part of Jim, like it had been there from the very beginning. He was proud of it, and why shouldn't he be? It was proof that if anything, James Tiberius Kirk was a survivor. Moving him into the McCoy household had been a step in the right direction, too; Alana adequately filled in the position as mother for Jim in the way that she had for Leonard and every time Joanna called she insisted on chatting to Jimmy immediately, sometimes even before she'd even uttered a word to Leonard. The way he had integrated himself into Leonard’s life was effortless; pretty soon it was like he’d always been there. 

The Saturday before the race there was a knock on Leonard’s office door.  
“Come in,” he called out, staring down at the incident file with his pen in his mouth. Thinking it was Nyota come for a gossip, he waved absently to his desk drawer. “Chocolate’s in there. Knock yourself out.”  
“Eating on the job, doctor?” Leonard’s head snapped round at the unfamiliar voice and he yelped when he met with the gaze of Christopher Pike.  
“Sir! I was just-”  
“Don’t worry about it, man,” Chris smirked. “Although I will take you up on the chocolate offer, if that’s alright.”  
“Please do!” Leonard cried, quickly trying to straighten his uniform as the owner of Starfleet dipped his hands into the drawer and removed a dark chocolate nut cluster. “Oh, please sit down.” Christopher lowered himself onto the bed with ease, his legs crossed at the ankles and an easy grin on his face.  
“So... you’re close with Kirk, correct?”  
“Yes,” Leonard said, his body wound tight. “We’re um... involved, I suppose.”  
“I thought as much,” Pike replied. “Uhura informed me.”  
“I didn’t think you and Nyota interacted... sir,” he added hastily but Chris waved him off.  
“Don’t bother with formality, McCoy. Call me Chris.”  
“If I do then please call me Leonard,” replied the doctor and Chris snorted.  
“Leo’s quicker. So how’s Jim holding up?” Leonard shrugged one shoulder.  
“He has his off days. Forgive me for saying so, but I didn’t see you at the hospital.”  
“Oh, I did visit. It was on the day when Jim forced you to go to work.” He paused to chuckle before his face sobered again. “You know I was good friends with his dad, right?” Leonard nodded and Chris sighed. “Y’know, after San Fran I tried to keep in contact with Winona but she wasn’t having any of it. She kinda went off the rails, you know? Got involved with some jack-off named Frank, hardly saw Jim... that’s why I brought him over here. Wanted to keep him on the straight and narrow. It worked, too. His job became his life. That’s why I was so worried when he told me he wouldn’t be returning; that kid’s lightning in a bottle, practically impossible to predict. So when I hear he’s all shacked up with you and wants to run a marathon, I’m ecstatic!”  
“I’m glad to hear this Chris, but what’s it got to do with me?” Leonard asked politely and Chris gave him a level stare.  
“I want to sponsor Jim. Five hundred thousand. Don’t look so surprised,” he added when Leonard choked on his spit. “I’m doing it anonymously so Jim doesn’t think it’s a pity vote or anything like that.”  
“S-sir, that’s, that’s wonderful of you!” Leonard cried. Chris snorted.  
“I’m a billionaire, you think that a little petty cash matters to me?”  
“Petty cash,” Leonard echoed, shaking his head disbelievingly. “Why are you telling me this?”  
“Because I want you to do me a favour... look after him. He’s the closest to a kid I’ve got. Understand?” Leonard nodded, his heart burning.  
“I will Chris. And believe me when I say that I would never hurt him... I don’t ever want to leave him. I don’t think I could even if I did want to.”  
“I believe you,” Chris said and the tone of his voice made it evident that he really truly did.

That night, Jim and Leonard were slumped in front of the television. Jim had his legs thrown over Leonard’s lap and he was crunching on an apple, as he had solemnly sworn off of the cookie dough ice-cream until he finished the marathon. Leonard was absently running his hands along Jim’s undamaged leg, his eyes glued to the screen with mild confusion. Alana was bent over in the corner in her chair, an unfinished cross-stitch in her lap as she snored lightly.  
“So, is Julio cheating on Tasmina?” Leonard asked, his forehead crinkled.  
“No, he’s considering an affair with Hopita, but he doesn’t know that she’s actually his long lost sister,” Jim elaborated, speaking from three season’s worth of knowledge.  
“But they kissed!” Leonard cried and Jim nodded, grinning.  
“It’s gonna cause such a juicy scandal in Choppers,” he replied, snickering to himself. He paused and contemplated Leonard quietly, making the doctor flush.  
“What is it?” he grumbled and Jim smiled indulgently.  
“I find it kind of adorable that you’re into this.”  
“I’m not adorable,” Leonard snapped. “I’m rugged and manly.”  
“Rugged manly men can be adorable,” Jim insisted, curling himself up so that his head was pillowed on Leonard’s chest.  
“You’re a man-child,” he huffed, but that didn’t stop him moving his hand to Jim’s hair, stroking it routinely. Jim looked up and their eyes met and the world began to blur again slightly, a sensation that now felt as familiar to Leonard as breathing.  
“Wow,” Jim breathed and Leonard cocked an eyebrow.  
“What?”  
“You look like you have the stars in your eyes.” And, whilst Leonard would normally find a line like that incredibly cheesy, coming from Jim it seemed like gospel truth. 

Neither of them noticed Alana grinning in the corner.


	12. Life is a Marathon, I'm Running to You

The day of the marathon arrived and Leonard could feel his heart jumping rope inside his chest. Jim was stood at the front of the starting line, stretching and rubbing his residual limb firmly. As he only found out about his sponsorship total at the end of the race he had no idea of Chris’s donation. He looked perfectly content, all of his worry channeled into Leonard, who was stood at the side next to Alana and Joanna, who had come up specifically to cheer Jim on.   
“Leonard, simmer down,” Alana whispered. “Jim is a perfectly capable young man.”  
“Yes, but what if something goes wrong?” Leonard hissed, eyes never leaving the blond. “What if his prosthetic gives out? What if he can’t handle it? What if-”  
“He’s been training for a month. All of his friends are here-” She paused to gesture to the Starfleet crew, who were bimbling about a few metres away waiting for the race to begin. “- and furthermore he has you here. He won’t give up. He’d feel like he’s failing you.”   
“He’s not failing me, not at all!” Leonard protested when the announcer’s voice boomed over the speakers.

“All runners to the starting line; this is your five minute warning!” 

Leonard broke away from Alana and hurried over to the line, where Jim was popping his knuckles into place.  
“Bones, hey!” he said gleefully, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. Leonard came close and took Jim’s hand in his, keeping an eye out for anyone who might cause a scene; however, everyone’s focus was on themselves and that was how he wanted it to be.  
“I’m going to be on the sidelines the whole time, Jim. If you need me, yell,” he whispered and Jim’s eyes softened. He squeezed Leonard’s hand and, quickly and subtly, kissed his knuckles.  
“I’ve ran a marathon once before Bones, with you by my side the whole way. Now,” he said, grinning. “I’m gonna run another one.”   
“I’ll see you at the finish line,” Leonard called as he was ushered back to the viewing point.  
“Yeah, you will!” Jim shouted back, waving at Joanna as he did. 

“On your marks... get set... go!”

“GO ON JIMBO!” Scotty bellowed as the horde of runners shot forward, Jim in the first wave. Nyota cheered, jumping up and down whilst holding tightly onto Spock’s hand. Joanna - who had made her home on Leonard’s shoulders - was wiggling and giggling, waving a flag she had made wildly. Once the group turned the corner the Starfleet Initiative flocked to their respective cars. Alana slid into the driver’s seat of Leonard’s Range Rover as Leonard and Joanna piled into the back and Scotty hopped into the front passenger seat.  
“Warp speed, Ms. McCoy!” the engineer bellowed and, with a whoop, Alana slammed her foot on the pedal and they zoomed out of the parking lot, the tires screeching in protest.  
“Gram, we’re not trying to go airborne!” Leonard hollered as the old woman cackled wickedly.  
“Faster, faster!” Joanna cried and Scotty turned to grin at her.   
“I like you, wee one!” he chortled and Leonard rolled his eyes; it seemed that Jim wasn’t the only one who had earned himself a place in the McCoy clan. 

When they reached the next rest point they all huddled together, clamoring to the front of the crowd so that they were by the side.  
“It’s been five minutes, where is he?!” Leonard huffed and Spock raised an eyebrow.  
“Doctor McCoy, we drove extremely fast to get here. The runners aren’t likely to arrive at this station for at least another ten minutes.” Leo opened his mouth to protest when Joanna squealed excitedly, pointing ahead of her and jumping.  
“Look, look!” she cried and the adults’ eyes turned to face in her direction. Turning the corner was a man in black sportswear, his shorts revealing one lean leg and another made of plastics and carbon-fiber composites.  
“Eet’s ze Keptin!” Chekov yelled and the Starfleet ruptured into applause, their screams drowning out the rest of the crowd. Leonard’s heart swelled as Jim approached them, arm outstretched. Sulu threw him a bottle of water and the blond began to glug it down thankfully.  
“Hey guys! Can’t stop, I’m on a roll!”   
“Don’t over strain yourself, Jim,” Leonard said warningly. “You don’t have to win.”  
“I don’t believe in no-win scenarios,” Jim replied, the motto a perfect reflection on him as a whole. Leonard rolled his eyes when Jim leaned forward to ruffle his hair, stroking his temple with his thumb lazily until he spied the next few runners turning the bend. “Gotta go! See you at the next stop!”  
“Go on Jimbo!” Scotty screeched as Jim began to run again. 

At the third stop, Leonard began to feel his knotted muscles relax slightly as he became more and more confident in Jim and his ability. He should have known he’d be fine; if there’s one thing Jim had proved over the past couple of months, it was that he was a trooper. He was buttoning Joanna’s coat up when there came a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see a familiar smiling face.  
“Missy!” he said, standing up to embrace the prosthetist.  
“Hiya Leonard! I came to cheer Jim on! Aaron was going to come too but he got caught up with work. We both managed to donate $20 each to Jim’s sponsorship fund.”  
“Wow Missy, thank you!” Leonard said sincerely, kissing her on the cheek. Joanna, who had watched the exchange with interest, frowned at the action.  
“Daddy, you shouldn’t be kissing her. Jimmy’s your boyfriend,” she chastised and Missy giggled as Leonard flushed.  
“I-I know sweetie, it’s just something adults do to say ‘thank you’,” he explained, to which Joanna nodded.  
“Hey young ‘un, I brought you a hot chocolate,” Scotty piped up from behind, squatting down to hand Joanna the polystyrene mug.  
“Thank you Mister Scott,” she said sweetly, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek. Leonard howled with laughter as the Scotsman turned as red as his work shirt.  
“Ketchup,” he snorted to himself, remembering back to his first day on the job. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the pounding of feet and the next wave of runners approached. He turned eagerly to root for Jim, but he was nowhere to be seen. Leonard frowned as runner after runner passed them and by the time the hundredth had passed he was feeling anxious.  
“Maybe he passed us already and we missed him?” Sulu suggested uncertainly and Leonard shook his head.  
“He would have come over to say ‘hi’,” he insisted when Nyota gasped.  
“He’s there!” Leonard’s head whipped round as Jim trotted round the corner, looking very much on the point of collapse. The group watched in dumb silence as the attendant staggered forward one more step, two before collapsing to his knees and sprawling himself out on the floor.  
“Jim!” Leonard hollered and, with an agility he didn’t know he had, jumped over the barrier.   
“Sir, please step back!” a local medic called to him when Leonard shot him a thunderous look.  
“I’m a doctor, you step the fuck back!” The young man hurried away and Leonard fell down next to Jim, holding him up so that he could look him in the eyes. “Jim, are you okay?!”  
“Y-yeah,” Jim panted, sweat coating his face in a light sheen. “I’m just kind of tired and then I tripped over my prosthetic and...” He sighed and shook his head. “I think I might need to give up.”  
“Jim, don’t throw all your good work away!” Leonard protested when a strike of genius hit him. “‘I walk slowly, but I never walk backward’.” Jim’s eyes widened and his mouth parted slightly.  
“Who said that?”  
“Abraham Lincoln,” Leonard replied, uncapping a bottle of water to pour into Jim’s mouth. “He was a wise man. I think you should listen to him.” Jim swallowed the water and smiled, his eyes tearing slightly.  
“Oh man, I love you,” he whispered and Leonard smiled back.  
“Right back at you, kiddo. Now go out there and cross that finish line!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the penultimate chapter; the next one will be the epilogue.


	13. Epilogue: We Ran the Marathon

Leonard waited patiently at the finish line, staring ahead of him into the darkness as he counted the seconds in his head. 

Tick, tock, tick, tock, one, two, one, two. 

In his arms, Joanna mewled slightly in her sleep and Leonard looked down adoringly at his daughter, kissing her hair and holding her closer. Many of the racers had left, with only the occasional straggler regaining their breath before vacating. The only group remaining was Jim’s entourage, who were all milling about as they tried to occupy themselves in the moments leading up to his arrival.   
“Scotty, I think you should take Gram and Jo home,” he said to the Scotsman, who was supping at his coffee beside him.  
“Leonard Horatio, I am perfectly fine!” Alana protested from beside Scotty, drinking from a hip flask wit gusto. “I am waiting for Jim, as I promised him I would.”  
“Gram, this weather isn’t good for you. Besides, someone needs to stay at home with Jo. You can take the Jeep,” he replied and, when Alana began to protest, he firmly shook his head. “You ain’t gonna argue with me ‘bout this Gram. You need rest, as does my baby girl; doctor’s orders.” Alana pursed her lips and huffed, although her eyes glimmered with amusement.  
“You got all the stubbornness of a McCoy,” she quipped before sighing and walking over to grab the keys from Leonard’s satchel. “I’ll drive. Montgomery, be a dear and carry Joanna over, will you?”  
“Aye Ms. McCoy,” Scotty said, gently prising the girl from Leonard’s grip before smiling assuredly at him. “Back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail!”  
“What the fuck does that mean?” Leonard mumbled after him as Alana and Scotty walked off, arm in arm. 

Another ten minutes passed, at which point the racer coordinator came over, looking tired and slightly pissed off.  
“Look man, feel free to stay as long as you want but I’ve gotta get home. Will you be alright?” Leonard raised an eyebrow and inclined his head gracefully.  
“It’s not problem, thank you,” he answered curtly and the man nodded gratefully before scampering off. Spock joined Leonard’s side and their eyebrows engaged in a competition to see who could go higher as they watched the man leave.  
“How unprofessional,” Spock commented and Leonard nodded before pausing to think.  
“Spock... what is your first name?” The man stopped and looked at the doctor curiously before raising his chin elegantly.   
“S’chn T’gai,” he replied and Leonard’s mouth wobbled.  
“I expected something a little less exotic,” he admitted.  
“What did you have in mind?”   
“I dunno... Carl seemed like a good one.” Spock and Leonard regarded one another levelly for a minute before Spock began to chuckle lowly, Leonard following in pursuit. In that moment, he couldn’t help thinking that the green blooded hob-goblin wasn’t so bad after all.

When Jim finally turned the corner, most of the crew were dead on their feet. Only Leonard seemed to truly be awake and, when he saw Jim in the distance, began to bellow enthusiastically. Everyone else startled and joined in, Scotty and Nyota competing to see whose scream was higher. Jim got closer, the moonlight reflecting off his teeth as he grinned. When he was a few meters closer to the finish line he slowed and looked up at the archway, marveling at it like it was one of the Wonders of the World. He came to a dead halt and everyone allowed him a moment to reflect. Slowly, Leonard took two steps forward so that he was stood on the checkered line. Wordlessly, he held his hand out. Jim walked forward, as though he were walking down the aisle, and put his hand in Leonard’s. The crew cheered madly as Leonard wrapped Jim in his arms and kissed him, the world blurring away to nothing like it had the first time they’d touched.  
“You did it darlin’,” he whispered proudly and Jim sniffed, fighting back tears.  
“All thanks to you,” he replied. They broke apart, still holding hands as the crew crowded round to hug him and celebrate. 

“Drum roll, please!” Scotty cried as he dug in his pocket for Jim’s official sponsorship tally. Each member of the group assumed a role on the metaphorical drum kit, Missy providing a rather hefty cymbal crash as Scotty handed the envelope to Jim. He tore it open and Leonard beamed as his eyes widened.  
“Holy shit!” he screamed and everyone laughed joyously.   
“That’s all money to go towards whatever charity you want,” Leonard informed him and Jim shook his head dumbly.  
“Is this for real?” he wondered and Leonard kissed him soundly on the cheek.  
“It’s all real, baby. And it’s all for you.” Jim beamed and turned to everyone. 

“Thank you all so much. The past couple of months have been hard but you guys have kept me fighting. Without trying to pull the sympathy vote, I have had a hard life and sometimes I questioned what it all meant. But I think I’m finally figuring it out. It’s those moments where the universe blurs, where Heaven and Earth blend together to create memories tailored for you. It’s a red balloon, a peach cobbler. It’s prosthetic limbs and pancreatic cancer. Life is about the moments that you never forget, that forge you into the person you are... it’s accepting the ups and the downs. But I guess all in all it’s about the people who mean the most; family. I never really felt like I had one... but I was wrong. You are all my family and I love you all so, so much. I’m going to do you proud.”  
“We are proud of you, Jim,” Nyota supplied, her cheeks tracked with tears as Spock wrapped his arm round her. “We always have been.” Jim smiled appreciatively at her and scanned the group; there wasn‘t a single dry eye.  
“This is touching, but what’re you going to do with the money? Because I happen to know a very good charity called ‘Scotty’s Bar Tab’ that could do with donations,” Scotty grumbled, rubbing at his red eyes and Sulu elbowed him in the ribs. Jim laughed and shook his head.  
“I know what I’m doing with this money. Missy,” he said, turning to the blonde. “I never would have been able to do this without you. So I want you take this check and use it to keep helping people like me.” He handed her the check as her hand flew to her mouth, her eyes sparkling.  
“Jim,” she whispered before kissing him on the cheek, sobbing and thanking him.

He smiled and turned to Leonard, who ran a loving hand down his cheek.  
“What’s next for you?” he asked and Jim pondered this for a moment.  
“I’m going to become a physical therapist, I think. Missy inspired me to do that. I want to pursue my meaning, Bones.”  
“I’m glad you know what you want to do with your life,” Leonard murmured, running a hand through Jim’s hair.  
“I do. And that’s why I’m about to do this. Leonard Horatio McCoy,” Jim announced, taking both the doctor’s hands in his and looking him dead in the eyes. “Will you marry me?” Leonard cocked his head to the side and a wry smile tugged at his lips.   
“Tell you what... if you can get down on that knee I’ll marry you.” Jim placed a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth and grinned before lowering himself down.   
“How ‘bout now?” he asked cheekily and Leonard rolled his eyes.  
“Damn, guess I have to.” Jim sprung up and enveloped Leonard in his arms as the crew began to cheer and cry once again.

The past six months had been one hell of a roller coaster ride... but Leonard had no intention of ever getting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for following this story, commenting on it and helping me forge this universe into something wonderful! I honestly had so much fun writing this! As you may have noticed, this is going to be part of a series and I'm beginning the sequel - "The Bumps in Our Road" - very soon. Much love! Xox


End file.
